


How to Continue Living

by Contrail



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Power Loss, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 17:52:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9396410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Contrail/pseuds/Contrail
Summary: What if Juvia's anti-magic poisoning when she defeated Keith had had serious consequences? Her magic gone, she must struggle to find a new place within Fairy Tail and a new direction for her life, while Gray deals with his own feelings about what happened.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Fairy Tail belongs to Hiro Mashima, and is being used without permission. No profit is being made from this story.
> 
> **Note:** This story diverges from the Fairy Tail manga after chapter 397, with Juvia not waking up after Torafusa's black water disperses. (Thus Juvia doesn't know about the dragons being released from the dragon slayers, since she was not awake to witness that.) Nothing else significant differs until the events of this chapter, which takes place after chapter 415.

Juvia woke up slowly, sensation returning to her as if she'd been swallowed by a dark tide that was only now receding. Her whole body ached and she felt incredibly drained. Her magical reserves, too, felt empty, drained until there was nothing left but the dregs. That was strange - they should've at least recovered a little if she'd been out for a decent length of time, and the softness she felt underneath her told her that she'd been unconscious long enough to be taken somewhere for her to recover. Casting back to figure out how she'd gotten hurt, memories flashed through her mind of Tartarus' attack on the guild, fighting her way through their headquarters, and finally of Gray, his father, and Keith, and what she'd had to do to defeat him. All she could recall after that were fuzzy memories of Lucy comforting her and severe pain wracking her body. What had happened after that? Had they won?

Her eyes snapped open and she started to try to sit up, stifling a groan when her body started telling her in no uncertain terms how bad of an idea that had been. A sharp voice to her left said, "Quit that! You're not well enough to be sitting up so quickly, so don't be a fool and just lay back down." She quickly complied, and turned to look at the source of the voice. As she expected, it was Porlyusica standing there with a stern expression on her face. That meant Juvia was probably in her home, which she'd never had the chance to see before.

"Is everyone okay? Was Tartarus stopped? How long was Juvia sleeping for?" The questions poured out of her, her worried state clear in her voice as she spoke.

Porlyusica made an irritated noise in the back of her throat and cut Juvia off before she could ask anything else. "Damn noisy humans, won't give you time to answer one question before asking more."

"Sorry," she mumbled, looking away chastened.

With a hmph, Porlyusica continued, "You were out for a few days. All your guildmates managed to keep themselves in more or less one piece. And Tartarus managed to activate Face, but the dragons managed to destroy the bombs before they could do too much damage."

She blinked at the healer's words. Dragons…? Was she talking about the dragon slayers' dragons…? But then something else Porlyusica said sunk in and her heart fell. So, all the things she'd done, and Tartarus had still managed to activate Face anyway… She'd hurt Gray-sama for nothing.

Porlyusica's voice broke her out of her dark thoughts. "You've probably noticed that you don't have the magical energy to draw on that you're used to." Juvia looked up at Porlyusica and nodded, her brows drawing together anxiously, a feeling that was not at all eased by the almost sympathetic look Porlyusica was giving her. "That's because those particles you were poisoned with damaged your ability to store eternano. Effectively, you are no longer a mage."

Juvia's jaw dropped. "What- How- Did the others…?"

She shook her head. "The others absorbed the particles through their skin and lungs, which then spread through their bloodstream, damaging much of their bodies but at a slow rate. And the antidote I made for them used the blood of the demon who created the particles that afflicted them. You, on the other had, managed to absorb the particles directly into your body - and I wonder what sort of foolhardy stunt you pulled to manage _that_ \- and they ended up clustered around the largest concentrations magic in your body - your magic containers. Add in the antidote being less effective on you because you were poisoned by a different source, and it's lucky that you survived. And even Wendy's magic couldn't fix the damage that was done to you."

"Juvia-" she had to swallow a lump that formed in her throat- "Juvia sees."

"Makarov asked to be informed when you regained consciousness," Porlyusica stated as she turned away, presumably to perform that task.

"Does… Does the rest of Fairy Tail know that…?" she asked hesitantly.

Pausing, Porlyusica simply replied, "Yes," before continuing on her way.

Well, at least she wasn't going to have to break the news to the others. She wouldn't have known what to say. Juvia sighed. It was ironic, that at one point she would have gladly given up her magic if it had meant that the rain would end as well. But now losing her magic meant that she might lose the only place she's ever really felt at home, too. Without magic, she couldn't go on jobs or fight to protect those she cared about. Did it even make sense for her to try to stay in a mage guild like Fairy Tail, now that she was no longer a mage? Or would she just be a burden on them? …Maybe this was her punishment, for what she'd done to Gray-sama and Father. Maybe she didn't deserve to be a Fairy Tail mage anymore, or a mage at all.

Those kinds of sad thoughts were still chasing themselves around her mind when knocking was heard at Porlyusica's door. As the healer answered the door, Juvia gradually pushed herself up into a sitting position with some effort. Porlyusica stepped out of the hut, and the diminutive Master of Fairy Tail entered in her place, closing the door behind him to give them privacy. Making his way over to her bed, Makarov hopped up to sit next to Juvia, placing them at close to each other's eye level. "How are you feeling, child?" he asked as he gently patted one of her hands.

"Juvia's feeling weak but okay, other than…" Makarov gave her a sympathetic look as her voice trailed off. Taking a deep breath, she then proceeded to say, "She would like to thank Master for taking her in, and everything he's done for Juvia in her time as a Fairy Tail mage."

He frowned at her. "You make it sound like you're leaving the guild."

She looked down sadly. "Shouldn't Juvia leave? She isn't a mage anymore, she'll just be a burden on everyone…"

Makarov shook his head at her firmly. "While we won't keep you if you truly wish to leave, you shouldn't quit the guild just because you think you should. You wouldn't be the first member of this guild not to have magic of their own, and every one of them has been able to contribute in their own ways. One of them even managed to reach S-Class. And even if you weren't able to contribute, this guild would never leave you behind. You're part of our family now, and family takes care of each other."

By the end tears were leaking from Juvia's eyes, she was so touched by Makarov's words. "Thank you, Master. Juvia will keep your words in mind." She still wasn't sure she deserved to remain in Fairy Tail, but she was very glad that there would still be a place for her there if she wanted it.

"Good. But I should get going. Porlyusica said that you shouldn't be tired out too much, and there's others who want to visit you." He patted her hand again and then got up to make his way to the door. As he put his hand on the door knob, Makarov turned back to look at her, a slightly sly smile on his face. "I'll be sending in someone who is eager to see you, and I'm sure you want to see him, too."

Juvia frowned at Makarov's words, wondering who he meant. But she didn't have long to wonder, for a few short moments later a slightly hesitant looking Gray let himself into the cottage. Her heart fluttered a little at the thought that Gray wanted to see her, only to sink as she recalled that he probably had no idea what she'd done. She looked away as Gray settled himself on the edge of her bed next to her.

For a few moments, they sat together in awkward silence, neither one willing to break it. Juvia knew she should tell him about what happened, beg for his forgiveness, but she couldn't find the words. Finally, Gray cleared his throat, breaking the silence, before asking, "So, um, how're you feeling?"

Fiddling with her fingers in her lap and still not looking at him, she quietly replied, "Juvia is fine."

Gray let out a light scoff at that. Juvia snuck a quick glance at him only to find him frowning at her. "You don't have to pretend to be okay, y'know. Anyone'd be upset about what happened to you."

She sighed, biting her lip before confessing to him, "…Maybe Juvia deserves what happened to her."

Juvia felt him stiffen beside her. "What kinda crazy talk is that," he said flatly as he grasped her shoulders, trying to make her meet his eyes.

But she kept her face turned away from him as she began to explain. "Juvia- Juvia killed Father. He contacted her, during the fighting, and told her that she needed to defeat the necromancer. If she stopped him, he wouldn't be able to use the chairman to activate Face. But she knew that if she defeated the necromancer, then Father would die, too. And she did it anyway, even knowing how much it would hurt Gray-sama to lose Father again. She did it, and she didn't even manage to stop Face in the process. She _deserves_ having lost-"

"Juvia, _stop_ ," Gray commanded her as he gave her a small shake, finally breaking out of the stunned silence he'd been in since she started her explanation. She looked up at him, her renewed tears running down her face, as he glared down at her. "You're wrong," he told her forcefully. "My dad wanted to die. He wanted to be with my mom again. _You_ gave that to him, when I couldn't bring myself to. And you may not have been able to stop Face, but without the powers I got from my dad, both Natsu and I probably would've died. So don't say stupid shit like you deserved to lose your magic."

She just gaped at him for a moment. She hadn't expected him to react like that at all. "Gray-sama… forgives Juvia?"

"No, because there isn't anything for me to forgive. You did great. I'm just sorry that you had to go through all that."

Juvia leaned forward, resting her forehead on his shoulder as tears continued to fall from her eyes. "But… Gray-sama… Father…"

She heard him sigh as he wrapped one arm around her waist and started stroking her hair with his other hand. "He'd been around long after he should've been dead. He would've been gone soon anyway, one way or another." But as much as he tried to keep his voice steady, she could hear the subtle undercurrent of pain beneath those words. Wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in the crook of his neck, she cried harder. She wasn't sure if she was crying for him and what he'd lost, for herself and what she'd gone through, or both. But cry she did for a long while, as he held her close.


	2. Chapter 2

After Gray left, Gajeel was the next one to visit. He strode right into Porlyusica's hut, his eyes scanning up and down her form, and bluntly said, "You look like shit."

"Gee, thanks, Gajeel-kun. You really know how to make a girl feel better," she said drily.

"I try," he replied modestly. Then his brows drew down into a scowl. "You really gave us a scare there for a bit, y'know? You better not pull a stunt like that again."

She gave him a lop-sided smile, tinged with sadness. "Juvia doesn't think you have to worry about that." She couldn't repeat what she'd done in that fight again even if she wanted to.

Gajeel snorted at that. "Like losing your magic'll keep you out of trouble. If it's to help someone you care about, you'll fling yourself into headlong into danger without thinking of yourself, you crazy woman."

She winced a little when he spoke so bluntly about what she now lacked, but at the same time she was glad he wasn't dancing around the issue. Not that he was the kind to do so in the first place, but while the loss was still raw and painful, she didn't want it to be a taboo topic around her, either. "Juvia will try to keep her new… limitations in mind." She knew he was probably right about what she'd do if push came to shove, though.

He nodded in apparent satisfaction. They shared a moment of comfortable silence before Juvia tentatively started asking, "Gajeel-kun, Porlyusica-san told me that the dragons reappeared to destroy Face…" He made a quiet grunt in response that didn't sound particularly happy but wasn't really hostile, either, so she took it as permission to continue. "Did you and Metalicana-san get to…?"

"Yeah," he said heavily, looking down at the floor. "We all got to meet 'em again. But they couldn't stay, they all ended up vanishing again, this time for good."

"Gajeel-kun…" was all she could manage in reply, her voice laden with sympathy. Why were those she cared about given these opportunities to reunite with those they loved, only to have them ripped away again so quickly?

He shook his head gruffly. "It doesn't matter. I never liked him anyway." She frowned, knowing her friend wasn't being honest with himself. Dismissing the topic, he looked back up at her. "You just worry about resting up. Don't want to be stuck in here with the old hag longer than you've gotta be, do ya?"

She gave him a chiding look. "Be nice, Gajeel-kun, Porlyusica-san doesn't have to help us… And Juvia promises she'll get plenty of rest."

Ignoring her admonition, he nodded at her. "Guess I'll be going, then. See you later."

Once Gajeel had departed, Porlyusica told her she'd had enough visitors for the time being. Juvia had to admit she was feeling exhaustion setting back in, now that the excitement of receiving visitors was fading. With a yawn, she curled up under the covers and quickly fell asleep.

Over the next couple of days, as she recovered her strength and Porlyusica kept an eye on her to make sure there wasn't any unexpected complications, a number of other members of Fairy Tail came to visit her, including a relieved Lucy (without Natsu or Happy in tow, unusually enough), an awkwardly sympathetic Erza, and a brash as ever Cana, who offered to take her out to drown her sorrows if she wanted to once she could get out of bed, much to Porlyusica's displeasure. She was glad for the visits, tiring though they could be, for they were the only distractions she had from her own thoughts… and the aching emptiness inside her where her magic once was.

The reality of what had happened her had continued to sink in over time. She'd never be able to bend water to her will again, or become one with the sea. She'd never get to accompany her Gray-sama on jobs again, or fight by his side, or join her magic with his the way they did when they defeated Lyon and Chelia in the Grand Magic Games. Nor would she be able to work with any of her other friends, either. She'd worked hard since she was a child to master her magical abilities, in hopes those skills would be a way for her to find acceptance and enable her to take care of herself. They hadn't been the key to being accepted that she'd hoped, and she'd discovered that there were far more important things than being a strong mage, but the loss of those years of effort, as well as the only way she'd ever supported herself, still stung.

Everyone had reminded her that Fairy Tail wouldn't abandon her, and she was grateful for their support, but a mage who can't work was useless, a burden, and she didn't want the guild to pay for her living expenses out of pity, or give her some sort of make-work job to justify keeping her around. Admittedly, the guild could always use more waitresses - they had trouble keeping them around for some reason - but she'd taken enough missions to help out at 8-island that she knew that, while she was willing enough to take on the occasional job of the sort to help pay her rent, it wasn't something she'd be comfortable doing long term. Plus, she'd be stuck watching everyone else leave for missions, and have to welcome them back with a smile…

When he'd spoken with her, Master had reminded her that it wasn't impossible for someone without magic to do jobs for a mage guild. Mystogan had even managed to reach S-Class. But she would have to amass an arsenal of powerful magical tools to do so, and ones that were self-powered, instead of drawing on their wielder's magic, were particularly rare. Mystogan had probably only managed as well as he had by bringing items into Earthland from Edolas. And even if she managed to get her hands on a good set of tools, it would take a lot of time and training for her to become proficient enough with them to take on decently paying jobs. It was daunting even to think about. And it’d never be the same as having her own magic back, anyway.

She really didn't know what she was going to do with herself once she was well enough to leave Porlyusica's home, or what she even _could_ do. The way she could feel the void where her magic power had once resided, a constant reminder of what she'd lost, didn't help her mood at all. But then, who _wouldn't_ despair at having something that had been a part of them since they were a child ripped away from them?

By the morning of the second day since she first woke up without her magic, though, Porlyusica had apparently had enough of her wallowing in self-pity. After a quiet and unresponsive Juvia had submitted to her examination, she sighed and remarked, "Losing your magic isn't the end of the world, you know. Plenty of people in this world survive, and even thrive, without magic of their own. And there are even places like where I'm from, where no one can use magic naturally at all."

Juvia was prepared to retort that there was a difference between never having had magic, and having magic and then losing it, but the last thing Porlyusica said caught her attention. "…Eh? Where does Porlyusica-san come from, that no one is born with magic?"

"You remember hearing about Edolas, don't you? The world that Magnolia got sucked up into for a time?" Juvia nodded in response, a look of dawning comprehension in her eyes. "Well, the same thing happened to me in reverse a long time ago. By the time a way for me to go back was found, I'd decided that I'd rather stay here."

"Juvia sees…" She was a little curious as to why Porlyusica had decided to stay here instead of going back, particularly since Porlyusica didn't seem to actually _like_ any of the people who lived in this world, but she doubted that Porlyusica would answer such a question if she asked. She also felt a little bad about mourning the loss of her magic in front of someone who'd never had any in the first place. Instead, she looked around Porlyusica's home, taking in the various herbs and potions stored everywhere with a considering eye. "…So everything that Porlyusica-san does can be accomplished without her needing to have magic of her own?"

"Yes. All of the recorded forms of healing magic are Lost Magic, known to few if any living mages." Juvia slowly nodded. She'd known that genuine healing magic was quite rare, but not that it was truly _that_ rare. "So, with a few exceptions such as that Wendy girl, non-mages can doctor just as well as mages can."

Juvia settled back against the pillows on her bed, looking up at the ceiling as gears slowly started turning in her head. While she wasn't sure how old Porlyusica was exactly, she knew the woman was getting on in years, being a contemporary of Master Makarov and not having lost seven years like those who'd gone to Tenrou Island had. Porlyusica wasn't exactly on death's doorstep, but she'd be gone sooner or later, and there wasn't anyone in the guild with the same skills. Wendy's healing magic was powerful, but it had its limits, and what would happen if someone returned to the guild badly injured and Wendy was out on a mission or too exhausted to help? No, it would be better if there was someone in the guild with knowledge of healing who wouldn't - or couldn't - go on missions.

…And maybe she could be that someone. Juvia had never really given the idea of learning medicine much thought as a child - she'd been focused on learning how to master her magic, at first in hopes to find a way to stop the rain that followed her, later in hopes of winning acceptance despite it. But as she considered it as a potential path now, she found it held some appeal. She might not be able able to fight beside her friends and help them on missions, but she'd be able to aid them afterwards. And it would be a way for her to take care of Gray, like his father had asked her to.

It wouldn't be easy to learn everything she'd need to know, of course - it'd take a lot of time and effort on her part, probably years of it. But she thought that she'd be capable of it - she might not be the kind of genius Levy was, but she'd always been good at learning and remembering things. And she was certain that Porlyusica wouldn't be a pleasant teacher to have - assuming Juvia could convince her to teach her at all - but at least she'd have the comfort of knowing that any animosity on Porlyusica's part wasn't personal - she just didn't like people in general.

As the day wore on, Juvia continued to consider her options in between the occasional visits by guildmates. By that evening, she had come to a decision. After helping her eat dinner, Porlyusica examined her again. "Looks like you'll be well enough to leave here in the morning. Not a moment too soon, if you ask me."

Not a very encouraging statement, but Juvia took a deep breath, gathering her courage to make a request anyway. If it was refused, she'd just have to find another way to reach the goal she'd set, or at least that's what she told herself. "Porlyusica-san," she started, her voice polite and her face set into a serious expression, "would you be willing to teach Juvia all of the knowledge of healing that you possess? She doesn't know how she'd be able to repay you for such a kindness, but she'd be willing to do anything within reason to do so."

Porlyusica gave her a long, scrutinizing look, not yet deigning to respond to her question. Juvia tried not to fidget nervously, and looked down at her hands that were clasped in her lap. "Why?" she finally asked.

Still looking down at her lap, she replied, "Because Juvia can't do jobs as a mage anymore, so she needs to find something else to do, to make a living and contribute to the guild. And she thinks that being able to help her guildmates with medical matters would be a good way for her to do so." She looked up once she'd finished, letting Porlyusica see how serious her intent was behind her nervousness.

The older woman nodded. "I've never taught anyone before, so I don't know how well I'll be able to do it. And I won't be going easy on you - there's a lot of things you'll have to study and practice before I'll even think about letting you loose on an actual patient. It'll probably take years for your skills to get to an acceptable level."

"Juvia understands," she replied, continuing to look the other woman in the eye.

Porlyusica gave her a somewhat skeptical look, as if doubtful that she _really_ understood, but continued on anyway. "If I'm going to agree to this, you'll have to promise you'll stick with it. I'm not going to waste my time showing you things only for you to decide you're bored or it's too hard a few months down the line."

She gave a short nod, her mouth set in a determined line. "Juvia has considered her options over the past couple of days, and this is the path she wishes to take. She doesn't give up easily on goals she wants to achieve, either."

"I'm sure I'll end up regretting this," Porlyusica stated with a sigh, "but since you seem to have determination and willingness to work, I guess I'll show you what I can of the healer's arts."

Juvia gave her a wide, grateful smile and clapped her hands together happily. "Thank you so much, Porlyusica-sensei! Juvia won't let you down as a student."

Porlyusica, who looked like she might be regretting the arrangement already, simply nodded in response.


	3. Chapter 3

Gray supposed he should feel something, watching the dragons vanish after they promised to watch over mankind, but most he just felt tired, the kind of tiredness you feel deep in your bones. He'd been through so much over the past couple of days. As he watched the crowd that had gathered to see the dragons start to disperse, though, he started to frown. He couldn't see Juvia anywhere. She'd been passed out from that demonic black water the last time he'd seen her, but everyone else had recovered from that just fine. Worry began to coldly trickle into his thoughts. Had something worse happened to her during the fighting?

Scanning through the crowd, he spotted Gajeel still staring up at the sky where the dragons had disappeared. Recalling that Gajeel had been one of those with Juvia the last time he'd seen her, he strode over to the other man. Once there, he asked without preamble, "Where's Juvia?"

"Porlyusica's," Gajeel answered shortly. "She took down one of those bastards, but got poisoned in the process, like Laxus and his crew."

Well, that did nothing to quell his worries. Porlyusica should have been able to make the antidote by now, but still… He wouldn't be satisfied until he saw that she was okay with his own eyes.

Wendy, who'd been standing nearby, diffidently chimed in, "I was going to where Porlyusica-san's taking care of the wounded, to see if I could be of any help. You could come along, Gray-san, if you're worried about how Juvia-san is doing."

"Sounds good. Let's go." Wendy lead the way, Charle nestled in her arms, with Gray and, after he spoke briefly with Levy, Gajeel trailing after. A large tent had been set up not too far from where Plutogrim had crashed, as temporary shelter for those wounded in the fight with Tartarus. Doctors from the city's hospital were working to help injured civilians in there while Porlyusica was in charge of treating the members of Fairy Tail who'd been hurt.

When they reached the medical tent, Wendy told him and Gajeel that they'd have to wait outside before ducking into the tent. Gray stared after her for several moments before starting to pace back and forth, impatiently waiting for Wendy to come back with news. As tired as he was, he didn't think he could calm down until he knew Juvia would recover just fine. Ignoring him, Gajeel stood facing the tent, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

When Wendy finally emerged from the medical tent once more, he could tell by the distressed look on her face that whatever news she had wasn't good. "I'm sorry, Gray-san. The anti-magic particles ended up concentrating in some of her organs, and she's not responding as well to the antidote as the others. If the poison isn't neutralized before it causes too much damage, Juvia-san might not…" She had to pause to steady her voice before continuing, "She might not make it…"

The world seemed to just… stop when he realized what Wendy was saying. No. **No.** **_No._** Juvia _couldn't_ die, not now. He'd just lost his dad again, he couldn't lose _her_ , too. She wasn't allowed to die. He wouldn't let her. When he started becoming aware of things outside his own panicked thoughts again, Wendy was saying apologetically, "…did everything I could to help, so don't lose hope…!"

Gray managed to pull himself together enough to reach out and put a hand on top of Wendy's head. "I'm sure you did," he told her, trying to be reassuring though he wasn't sure how well he managed it. "Is Porlyusica going to continue treating her here, or…?" He was doing his best to keep up a mask of outward calm, even though he was anything but on the inside. He had to keep in control of himself enough to do what he could to help her.

Wendy shook her head. "Laxus-san, Yajima-san, and the others are going to be moved to the hospital, they just need to rest and recover, while Porlyusica-san wants to take Juvia-san back to her cottage with her. She'll better be able to do what she can for Juvia-san there."

"Then let's help get her there." Without further ado, he pushed the flap aside and stepped into the tent. Looking around, it was obvious the medical personnel were in the middle of transferring those who needed longer term care elsewhere. Porlyusica's domain was located in one of the corners of the tent, and it appeared that Laxus and most of the Thunder God Tribe had already been carried out.

Juvia was laid out on a stretcher, her skin pale and sweaty, her features lined with pain even while unconscious. His heart clenched painfully in his chest at the sight of her in such a state. Taking notice of him, Porlyusica uttered a snappish, "What do you want, boy? Can't you see I'm busy?!"

Ignoring her rudeness, he stated, "I'll help carry Juvia."

Gajeel stepped forward from behind him, giving Gray a brief sideways glare as he corrected him. " _We'll_ help carry her, Stripper."

Gray didn't bother responding as he watched Porlyusica consider them briefly before sighing. "Fine, help if you want. Make sure to keep her as steady as you can."

Soon a small procession was wending its way through the ruined streets of Magnolia. Porlyusica lead the way, chastising them whenever she thought they were jostling the stretcher too much. Gray had ahold of the front half while Gajeel brought up the rear. Wendy and Charle trailed along behind them, apparently determined to keep offering what help they could even though Wendy must have already been exhausted.

The trip to Porlyusica's hut felt longer than it ever had, and every step of the way he feared that he might hear Juvia's breathing falter and cease. Opening the door, Porlyusica gestured towards where they should place her. Setting the stretcher down, they moved her to the indicated bed as carefully as they could. Once she was settled, Gray stared down at her as if he could force her to get better through sheer force of will.

Porlyusica impatiently shoved him to one side as she got to work again. "Leave," she ordered bluntly. "You'll just get in the way."

"But…" he said weakly, his eyes returning to Juvia's form. He didn't want to leave her, particularly not if she was really going to…

"Go," Porlyusica reiterated, her eyes not leaving the patient before her.

"C'mon, Stripper, she's right." Gajeel grabbed one of his arms and started dragging him away. Glancing up in irritation at the other man, he could tell from his expression that Gajeel didn't like leaving Juvia anymore than he did. Pulling his arm free from Gajeel's grip, he left the cottage under his own power, Gajeel and (a little surprisingly) Wendy following him.

The reason for Wendy's presence soon became clear as she raised her hands towards him, the cool, refreshing power of her healing magic radiating from them. "You don't have to…" he tried to refuse, only for her to shake her head stubbornly.

"Taking care of the worst of your wounds is the least I can do." Gray sighed and relented, letting her tend to him. Once she was done with him, Wendy moved on to Gajeel before going back inside the hut.

Finding a rock to sit on, Gray settled in to wait. Gajeel took up his own position, leaning against the tree Porlyusica's house was built into. He didn't think Gajeel had anymore intention of leaving before they knew what Juvia's fate would be than he did. He rubbed his hands over his face, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. How he wished there was something he could do other than helplessly wait.

Gray didn't want to consider what it would be like if Juvia died. To never see her smile and call him 'Gray-sama' again. To never see her experience something for the first time again. To never spend time with her doing nothing in particular, just enjoying each other's company, again. To never fight side by side with her again, their magics melding together so perfectly. To never find out what it would be like to kiss her, or hold her close to him. Even never being embarrassed or surprised by her antics again…

He felt like he was balanced on the edge of a cliff, only his hope that Juvia would live holding him back from going over and drowning in an unfathomable sea of despair. He'd lost so many people - his parents, Ur, Ultear, his dad _again_ … It'd just be too much for him to take if he lost Juvia as well. What more would need to happen to prove that he might as well be cursed, that anyone he got too close to would end up being taken from him? Gray didn't want for that to be proven true. Juvia _had_ to survive. She just _had_ to.

Torn between desperate hope and potential despair, time seemed to crawl as he waited for news of any kind. Even if it was for the worst, at least it would free him from this torturous limbo where he could neither give up hope nor banish the dreadful thoughts of what could happen. The sun rose, and still there was no word as to Juvia's condition.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Porlyusica emerged from her home, immediately capturing the attention of both of the men waiting for news outside her door. Looking unfazed by the weight of their expectant gazes, she simply stated, "Well, we managed to keep those damned particles from doing enough damage to kill her outright before they were burned out of her system. Her life might be put in danger again if complications arise, but for now her chances are good."

The wave of relief that washed over him was almost powerful enough to stagger him. _Juvia was going to be okay._ Now that the worst of the danger was over, he had faith that, between Porlyusica's abilities as a healer and Juvia's own stubbornness, she would make it. "Can we see her?" That came out more eager than he'd intended it to, but keeping his feelings from showing through was rather a lost cause at this point.

After giving the pair in front of her a considering look, Porlyusica nodded. "Only for a few minutes, though! She needs to rest, not to have you fools disturbing her."

Following the elderly healer inside, they passed a worn-out Wendy, curled up and sleeping on a spare bed, as they approached Juvia. While she still looked wan, her pain seemed to have eased, leaving her resting peacefully. Gray and Gajeel each moved to one side of her bed. Reaching down, Gray carefully took her hand in his, twining their fingers together as he lifted it, bending down enough to press his forehead against the back of her hand. Closing his eyes, he spent a few moments just silently taking comfort in the fact that she was still alive and warm. That she was still here, with him.

Setting her hand back down gently, he kept one hand interlaced with hers while he used his free one to brush strands of hair out of her face. Part of him wanted to just pull her into his arms and hold her close, but he knew she shouldn't be moved that much in her condition. On the other side of the bed, Gajeel stood, just looking down at Juvia.

After what felt like too short a time, Porlyusica cleared her throat from behind them. Reluctantly letting go of her hand, Gray ran a hand gently over Juvia's hair before turning away. Once he and Gajeel were facing a frowning Porlyusica, she said, "Before you two leave, there's something I should tell you about her condition."

The back of his neck prickled with unease. "You said she'd probably recover…"

"I told she wasn't likely to die anymore, boy, and I meant it," she replied, her frown deepening. "But that doesn't mean no permanent damage was done. The organs those particles attacked the most are the ones that let people store magical energy." At their blank stares, she sighed and explained further. "She probably won't be able to use even the simplest of magic ever again."

To never be able to use magic again… Gray grimaced. Still, if it was a choice between Juvia losing her life or losing her magic, he'd prefer this outcome by far. "Are you sure?"

"I won't be entirely sure until she wakes up and can't use it anymore, but don't bother getting your hopes up. Now scram, the both of you!"

After being hustled out of there by Porlyusica, Gray and Gajeel started making their way back into the city to finally get some rest. As he walked, Gray's thoughts turned back to Juvia, alive but magicless… He was going to miss working with her on jobs and fighting with her at his side. Yet, guiltily, he was feeling a twisted sort of relief, too. Without any magic, she'd have to stay out dangerous situations like the battles they'd just been through. She could be kept out of harm's way. She couldn't sacrifice herself for him like too many others had if she wasn't involved. She'd lost enough already, after all.

After reaching Magnolia proper, he split off from Gajeel to seek out his own bed. By some miracle, Fairy Woods, Fairy Tail's boys dorm, was still intact enough to be habitable. Falling onto the mattress, too tired to even take his remaining clothes off, Gray was asleep moments after his head hit the pillow.

Over the next few days, as he waited for Juvia to regain consciousness, he kept himself busy helping out with the efforts to repair the destruction Fairy Tail's battle against Tartarus had wrought on Magnolia. Really, what he wanted to do, what he thought he needed to do, was to take a trip back to his old hometown, to pay his respects to his parents and to have time and space to sort his head out. But he couldn't leave yet, not until Juvia woke up at least.

Gray made sure to visit her at least once a day, to check how she was doing. When Porlyusica concluded that Juvia would be coming around shortly, he ended up waiting outside of Porlyusica's cottage again, this time accompanied by both Gajeel and Master Makarov. Once Gramps had been in to see her, it was his turn. After talking her out of stupidly blaming herself for putting his father to rest, he'd held her while she'd cried, taking comfort in the fact that she, at least, was still alive, all warmth and soft curves in his arms.

He started making arrangements for his trip to the northern continent, though he wasn't going to leave until after Juvia was actually up and about again. On the day she was supposed to be released from Porlyusica, Gray got up early to head over there and escort her back to her room in Fairy Hills. Sure, Porlyusica wouldn't have cleared her to go if she didn't think Juvia was up to making the trip, but it wouldn't hurt to have someone go with her, just in case.

Upon arriving at Porlyusica's, he knocked on the door. Thankfully, when it opened, Juvia was the one peering out at him. Porlyusica's brusque demeanor wasn't something he really wanted to deal with first thing tin the morning. Looking a little surprised but smiling happily at him, she stepped out of the door and shut it behind her. "Good morning, Gray-sama!"

"Hey, Juvia. Ready to head home yet?"

At his question, her smile dimmed a little and she looked away, seeming a bit uncertain. "Well… Juvia has decided to stay with Porlyusica-sensei for a while."

Gray blinked at her, raising an eyebrow at how she was addressing the healer. "…Porlyusica- _sensei_?"

She nodded. "Juvia has decided to study medicine with Porlyusica-sensei. That's why she's going to be staying with her."

He frowned. Juvia had never expressed any interest in becoming a healer before, at least not that he knew of. Not that he couldn't picture her healing people, she'd probably be good at it, with her caring nature and all, but… "Isn't this kind of a sudden decision to be making?"

Her mouth turned down into a stubborn frown. "Juvia gave her future a lot of thought while she was recovering. She has decided that this is what she wants to do, now that she… she can't…" She couldn't seem to bring herself to finish the sentence.

Gray immediately wondered if he'd been included in her thoughts about the future, then quickly shoved that thought out his head. Now wasn't the time to be worrying about that. "Still, aren't you kind of rushing into this? You could at least take a longer break before starting your new path." If she pushed herself too hard too soon, she might set back her recovery…

"And what would Juvia be doing on this break, that would keep her from dwelling on what happened?" she asked, the bitter note in her voice somewhat surprising to him. "She'd rather begin something new, that will give her other things to think about."

Looking away, still feeling a little disgruntled, he muttered, "I'm just worried about you, okay?"

She reached out to him, her fingers brushing lightly against the back of his hand, and he looked back to find her giving him a small smile. "Juvia is happy to know that Gray-sama is concerned about her. But she will be fine - Porlyusica-sensei knows her condition and won't ask more of her than she can handle."

Gray sighed. "Alright." He looked down for a moment before meeting her eyes again. "Um, I'm going to be leaving town later today. It'll probably take me a couple of weeks to return."

"Where…" He could see the comprehension dawn in her eyes. "Oh. Are you returning to where you were born…?"

He nodded. "There's stuff I need to do there."

"Juvia understands," she replied with a nod of her own, and he was glad he wouldn't have to explain further.

It seemed liked they'd covered everything they needed to cover, but he remained standing in front of her, hesitant to turn away from her. Part of him was reluctant to leave her behind. But she wasn't in any shape to take such a long trip, and he'd put off going long enough.

Reaching out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear, he told her, "I'll see you when I get back, okay?"

"Okay." She gave him a sweet smile that made it even harder to leave her. "Could you please let the Master know about Juvia's decision?"

"Yeah, I will." And with that Gray finally willed himself to turn away from her and depart.


	4. Chapter 4

Porlyusica started Juvia's training by having her read and memorize chosen sections from a number of thick tomes. They covered subjects like anatomy, symptoms and treatments for common ailments, and the properties and uses of herbs and other medicinal ingredients. Her new teacher quizzed her periodically on what she was studying. It was a lot to try to remember, but at least it gave her something to focus on.

Juvia didn't get as many visitors as she had when she'd first woken up, but someone from the guild generally dropped by every couple of days to see if she needed anything or just to give her some company that wasn't her irritable teacher for a little while. She was glad that the visits were still fairly frequent, though, after she'd asked for some of the coat dresses she used to wear when going on jobs to be brought for her to use, only to find them too warm to wear in the late summer heat. Juvia hadn't had to worry about being too warmly dressed since she'd discovered how to use her Water Body magic to keep herself cool if needed, but now… It'd hurt to have give those clothes back and ask for some lighter dresses instead.

That wasn't the only reminder of what she could no longer do. She still like being around water, she hadn't lost her sense of kinship with it, but it was much more bittersweet now. At times she would catch herself unthinkingly trying to manipulate the water around herself while taking a bath, and her heart would ache at her inability to do what had once been simple tricks she'd barely had to think about.

The first time it had rained after she lost her magic, she'd found herself bursting into tears, much to Porlyusica's annoyance. As much as she'd hated being plagued by rain in the past, it still hurt to realize that no matter what happened to her, no matter how happy or sad she was, she'd never be the cause of rain again.

Gray returned to Magnolia a couple of weeks after he'd left to visit his hometown, and had soon come to see Juvia.

Juvia moved to hug him, and was surprised but pleased when he let her do so for a short time before pulling away. "Did your trip help, Gray-sama?"

He nodded. "I've decided on the path I'll take from now on." Meeting her eyes with a serious look on his face, Gray continued, "Before my dad died, he gave me a task - to destroy E.N.D., the strongest demon Zeref created. I'll be training to get stronger, and trying to gather more information about E.N.D.."

She nodded, equally serious. "Will you be taking this on alone? Juvia knows that Natsu-san has left the guild entirely to do his own training…" Lucy had told her about Natsu disappearing, leaving only a short note behind to explain his absence.

Gray shook his head. "I think continuing to go on jobs will help me hone my abilities more, as long as I pick the right types to go on. I've asked Erza for her help in this - I'll be able to taken on tougher jobs when working with her than I could alone, and I may be able to get information from Jellal through her."

"Juvia wishes she could help as well," she told him with a sigh, looking down towards the ground.

She looked up again when he placed his hands on her shoulders, catching her gaze with his. "Just keep working on learning what you can from Porlyusica. Knowing that you're here, safe and sound, puts my mind at ease."

As he took his leave, he told her he'd try to visit her whenever he wasn't out on missions.

Shortly after Gray's return to Magnolia, the rebuilding of the guild was finished. To celebrate the completion of the repairs, and to help everyone rest and recover from everything the fight with Tartarus had put them through, Master Makarov arranged a weekend vacation in Akane for the entire guild. Juvia was included in the trip, of course.

Everyone appeared to be in good spirits during the train ride to the coast. Juvia shared in the good mood of her guild mates until the morning of the first day of their stay. As the collected members of the guild reached the beach and approached the ocean, she felt her heart sinking with every step she took towards the waves.

Turning away from the water, she found a beach umbrella to set her bag underneath. Taking out a beach towel and spreading it out over the sand, she sat down on it and wrapped her arms around her knees, hugging them to her chest. Watching the waves come into shore made her heart ache. Once, she could command the strength of the ocean, but now… Juvia was too caught up in her own thoughts to notice someone else's presence until Lucy had already spread out her own towel next to hers.

Joining her in sitting on the beach, Lucy asked, "Are you alright?"

Resting her head on top of her knees, she muttered, "Juvia is okay."

Raising an eyebrow at her, Lucy replied, "You don't _look_ like you're okay." Juvia said nothing, just continued to stare out at the water. After a moment Lucy sighed and reached out to put a hand on Juvia's shoulder. "You don't have to pretend you're over what happened already. I can't say I know exactly what you're going through, but none of us in the guild are strangers to loss." Joining Juvia in looking out towards the ocean, Lucy sighed again. "This view reminds me of something I lost, too."

Glancing towards Lucy with furrowed brows, Juvia asked, "What…? Why?"

Still watching the waves, Lucy took a deep breath before starting to explain. "You remember when everyone got sucked into the walls of Tartarus' headquarters, don't you?" When Juvia nodded, she continued, "Well, I was the only member of Fairy Tail that didn't get trapped. I'm not sure if it was because I'm a Celestial Spirit Mage or if it was just dumb luck. I ended up having to fend off two of the Demon Gates while trying to find a way to free everyone. I was in desperate straits… desperate enough to do something drastic."

Reaching into the bag she'd set down beside her, Lucy pulled out something Juvia couldn't quite see. "Aquarius told me I could summon the most powerful Celestial Spirit, the Celestial Spirit King… if I sacrificed one of my Golden Keys. That was something I had no wish to do, of course… But there was no other choice. So… I broke Aquarius' key." Opening her hand, Lucy revealed the broken top half of Aquarius' key to Juvia.

Looking at her with wide, sympathetic eyes, Juvia breathed out, "Lucy…"

Lucy kept her focus on the broken key she held. "Aquarius never liked me much, but… she was the first spirit I ever made a contract with. For a long time, she was the only friend I had. And now I'll probably never see her again." Looking up at Juvia, she continued, "I haven't told anyone else about this. I didn't want them to feel guilty about what I had to do to save them."

Scooting closer to Lucy, Juvia wrapped an arm around Lucy's shoulders. "Thank you for trusting Juvia with this. She only met Aquarius-san a few times, but Juvia'll miss her, too."

Lucy leaned into Juvia's hold, wrapping one of her arms around Juvia's back. They sat there like that for several long moments before she slowly began to speak again. "Where Juvia's Magic was inside her before, now she just feels… empty. She's slowly getting used to feeling that way, but still… And it hurts to be reminded of what she can't do anymore."

"Oh, Juvia…" Lucy pulled her into a full embrace, and Juvia wrapped her arms around her in return, tears beginning to run down her face. When she heard Lucy sniffle and felt a wet drop hit one of her shoulders, she realized that Lucy was crying, too. She wasn't sure how long they sat there holding each other, taking comfort in the other's presence as they both mourned painful losses.

Eventually they pulled away, wiping their tear streaked faces with their hands. A small smile came to Juvia's lips as she said, "You know, Aquarius-san wouldn't want you to be sitting here moping over her absence."

Lucy turned to look at her with a raised eyebrow. "Oh?"

Juvia nodded, her smile growing. "After all, Lucy will never get a boyfriend this way."

Letting out a startled laugh, Lucy nodded. "Yeah, you're right." Standing up and stretching, she continued, "I think I'll take a dip. You coming?"

Her expression faltered for a moment at the suggestion of going swimming, before she smoothed it out as she replied, "Ah, Juvia thinks she'll stay here for a little longer if you don't mind." Seeing Lucy giving her another concerned look, she flashed her a genuine smile. "Juvia's feeling much better now. So, thank you."

After a moment, Lucy nodded. "Alright, but you better not spend all day over here, or I'll make you have fun by force if I need to."

Juvia watched with a smile as Lucy ran off towards the water. Looking around the beach, she saw her other guild mates having fun in scattered groups. Gajeel seemed to be teasing Levy about something while Jet and Droy were pouting nearby. It was good to see that he appeared to be shaking off the funk he'd been in after the dragon's departure. Laki and Kinana were sunbathing together, and Max and Warren had joined some other guys from the guild to play volleyball.

Mirajane and Lisanna were sunbathing as well, and Elfman and Evergreen were bickering nearby. Bickslow was standing near them as well, looking on with amusement. Erza and Wendy looked like they were having fun playing together in the water, while Charle hovered near them. Looking towards Lucy again, she saw Gray walk up to her and start talking. Frowning a little, she wondered what they were talking about. As she watched, Lucy pointed in her direction, then Gray nodded and started walking towards her.

Juvia was a bit surprised when he took a seat right next to her on the towel, his arm almost brushing against hers. The close proximity made her heart beat faster and brought a tinge of pink to her cheeks. "Lucy said you weren't feeling well earlier, so I thought I'd come check up on you."

"Oh." She felt a little guilty about the suspicious looks she'd given them earlier. "Juvia was feeling down earlier, but she talked with Lucy and she's feeling much better now."

"But you're still staying here instead of going in the water," he commented mildly.

"Um, well…" He watched her as she twisted her hands in her lap, eventually confessing in a quiet voice, "Juvia's scared."

Gray's eyebrows furrowed. "Of going in the water? Why?"

"Juvia knows better than anyone how dangerous water can be. And… when she learned to swim, she was already learning her magic, so she's never…"

"You've never been swimming without your magic to help you out, huh?" Juvia answered Gray with a nod, feeling a bit embarrassed about fearing something she'd once done with ease and joy. "Well, I guess I'll just have to show you there's nothing to fear."

She looked up at him with confusion written all over her face as he stood up and offered his hand to her. "What do you mean?"

"The best way for you to get over this is to swim and prove to yourself that there's nothing to fear. And I'll be right there with you just in case, okay?"

After hesitating for a long moment, Juvia took his hand and let him pull her to her feet. "Okay."

Gray gave her a smile before leading the way to the ocean, her hand still in his. Juvia could feel herself tensing up more and more as the water rose higher around them. Once it was up to their chests, he gave her hand a small squeeze before letting go. Looking determinedly into her eyes, he told her, "I won't let anything happen to you."

Nodding, she took a deep, calming breath before moving a little way away from him and launching herself through the water. At first her movements were a bit stiff, but as time passed and nothing went wrong she began to relax more and she stroked smoothly through the water. When she surfaced there was a small smile on her face. Gray had surfaced nearby as well and he, too, was smiling. "See? You did just fine. Nothing to be scared of."

Juvia moved closer to him. "Juvia appreciates Gray-sama's help. Without it she might not have had the courage to try."

He looked away as she praised him, seeming a little embarrassed. "Well, that's what friends are for, right?" Looking back at her, he asked, "Want to keep going?"

She answered with a nod, and they swam around for a while longer. Eventually Gray got a mischievous expression on his face and sent a wave of water in her direction, starting a splash fight that left them laughing with no clear victor.

After they joined the rest of their guild mates for lunch and reapplied sunblock lotion, Gray looked around the beach and said, "Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we build a sand castle together?"

A wide smile crossing her face, she told him, "Juvia would love to!" Wandering far enough down the beach that their work wouldn't risk being run over by their guild mates, they began work on an elaborate creation with many towers and arches. They worked well together, with Gray providing the overall vision and Juvia suggesting details, like adding wave and snowflake patterns as decoration. It wasn't until the sun was setting that they finished and looked on their creation with pride.

After they dusted as much sand off of their bodies as possible, they began to make their way back to the hotel. Juvia wasn't paying enough attention to where she was walking, and her foot caught on a piece of driftwood. Falling forward with a muffled exclamation of surprise, she felt Gray's strong arms wrap around her as he turned and tried to catch her, only to be unable to keep his footing in the shifting sand and fall backwards himself.

Gray landed on his back with an 'oof' and Juvia ended up sprawled across him. As she raised herself onto her elbows, she found herself looking down at Gray, their chests pressed together and her thighs straddling his hips, with nothing but the thin cloth of their swimsuits between them. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and her mind was blank of anything other than the intimacy of their position and the feeling of his body pressing against hers.

Their eyes remained locked for a long moment, then his eyes flickered down to her lips briefly and Juvia could feel part of him growing harder beneath her. Eyes widening as she realized what she was feeling, she quickly scrambled off of him, her cheeks blazing with warmth. "Juvia's so sorry…!" she exclaimed, looking everywhere but at Gray as he got to his feet.

A quick glance at him confirmed that he looked as red as she felt. "It's fine, it was an accident…" Gray waved off her apology. "Let's just get back to the hotel." The rest of the walk was spent in embarrassed silence.


	5. Chapter 5

Things started to settle into something resembling normalcy after the guild returned from their little vacation. There were noticeable differences, of course, like the absence of a pink-haired Dragon Slayer, but most of the mages were getting back into the typical routine of going out on jobs. Gray was making sure to visit Juvia in between the jobs he took with Erza, wanting to keep an eye on her. She seemed to be recovering well from what had happened to her, concentrating on her studies with Porlyusica and enjoying the visits that her guildmates made to her. But as the weeks continued to pass, he began to get a little concerned because she rarely left Porlyusica's little hut out in the forest, and she had yet to visit the rebuilt guild.

Finally, after what felt like the twentieth time she'd made an excuse not to go when someone suggested that she visit the guild, he asked Juvia point blank, "Are you avoiding going to the guild? 'Cause while I'm sure Porlyusica is probably a task master, even she has to understand the value of taking breaks from studying every now and then. If nothing else, she's probably sick of you being around so much."

She looked away, wringing her hands. "Um, well, it's not that Juvia doesn't want to spend time with everyone, it's just…"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "It's just what?"

She took a calming breath before answering. "The guild is where Juvia used to pick up jobs to go on. She's not sure how she'll feel about seeing the board where the jobs are posted, knowing she'll never go on one again."

He hesitated, then reached out to take out her hand in his. "You're not going to be able to avoid going there forever, though. I mean, do you want to miss this year's Fantasia Parade? That's in only a couple of weeks." She slowly shook her head, and a hint of a smile appeared on his lips. "So you should go ahead and get it over with soon, so you don't have that hanging over you during the festival. And I'll be there if you need me."

She managed a smile at that. "Thank you, Gray-sama. She appreciates all the support you have been giving her."

Gray scratched the back of his head as he looked away, his cheeks getting warm. "Well, um, you always try to help me, so I thought I'd return the favor…" Wanting to change the subject, he continued, "So, are you going to go?"

She nodded. "She will visit the guild tomorrow evening, if Gray-sama will be able to accompany her then."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

* * *

Juvia felt nervous as she walked through the streets of Magnolia the next evening, Gray walking beside her, matching his pace to hers. She was going to be entering the guild for the first time since she lost her magic. Even though everyone had assured her that she still had a place in the guild, part of her couldn't help wondering if she still belonged there.

More quickly than she would have liked, she was in front of the doors of the rebuilt guild. It wasn't as imposing as the previous version, but it had a quirkiness to the design that seemed to suit those it housed. When Juvia paused there, Gray gave her an encouraging smile, and that helped her find the strength to push the doors open.

She was welcomed with happy shouts, and found herself swept up in conversation, first with Lisanna and Mira, then with Cana, and next with Lucy and Wendy. Juvia was happy to spend time with them all, but after a while the talk would turn to jobs they'd been on or ones they might do in the future, and she'd excuse herself.

After a while, she ended up seated at the bar, a drink in front of her as she looked around the hall. People drank and chatted in groups at various tables. Gajeel, Gray, and Elfman had managed to start a fight between the three of them. It wasn't much different than the way it had been before Tartarus had attacked… But she was. She couldn't get excited about taking on a job anymore. She couldn't get involved in the frequent brawls, willingly or otherwise. As much as she was trying to make something new of her life, she couldn't forget the things that were lost to her now, not somewhere that was so central to living and working as a mage.

Juvia downed the contents of the glass in front of her and asked for more, hoping she could drown her unpleasant thoughts with alcohol. But they refused to go away even when she drank glass after glass, and the more she drank, the less she could resist the tears that were trying to surface…

* * *

Gray ended up separated from Juvia pretty quickly after they entered the guild, Lisanna and Mira dragging her off to giggle over something or other. (He thought it might have to do with him, given the looks they occasionally shot his way.) Early on, he continued to keep an eye on her, but she looked happy as she moved from one set of friends to another, so he started to relax. It looked like she had been worried for nothing.

And then Gajeel just _had_ to make a snarky comment about his lack of clothes. It wasn't his fault they just kept on coming off! So Gray got up in his face about it, one of them ended up throwing a punch, and things escalated from there. A chair thrown in the wrong direction hit Elfman in the back of the head, bringing him into it. It took a while for the three of them to wear themselves out, and once it was over, he realized that he hadn't checked on Juvia in some time.

Looking around, he spotted her at the bar and… she was crying? Shit! Mentally berating himself for not keeping a better eye on her, he walked over to where she was seated. Mirajane, who'd been trying to comfort her, looked up at his approach. "I think she's had a bit too much to drink," Mira told him. "Could you make sure she gets home safely?"

"Sure," he agreed readily as he took a closer look at Juvia. She was leaning forward against the bar, her head resting on top of her folded arms, tears falling in thick tracks down her face. She hadn't even noticed his presence, she was so out of it. He gently reached out and shook her shoulder, getting her to finally look up at him. "Let's go. I think you've been here long enough for one night."

"Gray-sama…!" she wailed, standing up and wrapping her arms around him as she buried her face in his chest. "Juvia's so sad!" He could feel his cheeks heating in embarrassment, and a quick glance around confirmed that the commotion from Juvia was catching other people's attention.

Putting a hand on her back and rubbing it in what he hoped was a soothing manner - the gods knew that he didn't have much experience with comforting people - he said, "C'mon. Getting some fresh air away from here will be good, right?"

It didn't take much more coaxing to get her out of the guild, though she was drunk enough that she couldn't walk without leaning heavily on him. He slowly started to guide her towards the boy's dorm, where he lived. Girls weren't technically supposed to be allowed in, but he thought it was a better option than trying to drag her all the way to Porlyusica's.

They walked in silence for a couple of minutes before she sobbed out, "Juvia misses her magic." He stiffened a little but kept walking. "Juvia misses going on jobs," she continued. " _Why_ did Juvia have to lose her magic?" He wished he could think of something to say that would take away the pain in her voice. Gray was starting to realize that she'd been trying to keep up a strong front and concentrate on moving on with her life, and she'd done a good enough job that it had begun to almost seem like she was over what had happened. But such a loss wasn't something that could be gotten past so easily, and her heartbroken words now were showing just how much it had really hurt her.

"Juvia's worthless now, isn't she?" she asked sadly, making Gray frown. "Useless. A burden on the guild."

He used the arm he had wrapped around her back to give her a little shake. "No, you're not! You're learning how to heal people, aren't you? And even if you weren't, not having magic doesn't make you worthless!" He didn't want her thinking such things about herself. He hadn't known she felt this way - she'd thrown herself into her studies with such vigor - but the drinks she'd had were probably pulling all her fears and doubts to the surface.

The only answer she gave him was a sigh, and she didn't say anything more until they reached Fairy Woods. "Why did Gray-sama bring Juvia _here_?" she questioned.

"Because it's a long way to Porlyusica's from the guild," he replied. "'Sides, I didn't think you'd want to deal with her when you're drunk, nor would she want to deal with you being drunk."

She nodded and let him lead her inside and up to his room. It was sparsely furnished and pretty clean other than the clothes strewn everywhere. Gray brought her into his bedroom and helped her sit on the bed, which was thankfully clear of hastily removed clothes. "Get ready to sleep and get under the covers while I go get you some water to drink, okay?"

"Eh? Gray-sama is giving Juvia his bed?" she asked, looking up at him with wide eyes. At his confirming nod, she continued, "But where will Gray-sama sleep?! She doesn't want to trouble him!"

"On the couch," he told her. "And I'd be more troubled by making you sleep on the couch when you're drunk." When he was sure she wasn't going to argue anymore, he straightened up and headed out of the room. "I'll be right back."

It didn't take him very long to fill a glass of water, but by the time he got back Juvia had taken off her shoes at least and tucked herself into bed. "Here." She took the offered glass and quickly drained the contents. "Now go to sleep."

Taking the glass back from her, he turned to leave, but she spoke up before he could. "Thank you, Gray-sama… for taking care of Juvia."

He could feel himself blushing a bit as he replied, "Yeah." As he laid down on the couch with a spare pillow under his head and tried to sleep, his thoughts kept drifting towards the young woman sleeping in his bed.

The next morning, Gray woke up when he heard Juvia emerge from his bedroom and shuffle over to his bathroom. A quick check told him he'd discarded his boxers sometime during the night. Muffling a curse, he quickly found a clean enough pair (that probably wasn't the ones he had on last night) and pulled them on.

When she came out of the bathroom he looked her over, and was glad to see that while her clothes were wrinkled from having been slept in, she otherwise didn't seem to be in too bad of shape. She must've still had a headache at least, though, since she asked, "Where does Gray-sama keep his medicine?"

He directed her to where it was, and she got herself a glass of water to drink the pills down with. "Thank you for making sure Juvia drank some water last night. She'd be feeling much worse if you hadn't."

Gray nodded, then asked, "Why did you drink so much last night?"

She looked down and shrugged. "Juvia thought it might make her feel better about… But it just made her sadder."

He took a deep breath. "Look, about last night… I said I'd be there to support you, but I let myself get distracted and left you alone. I'm sorry."

Juvia shook her head. "You shouldn't need to do that. Juvia shouldn't let this get to her so much."

Gray let out a frustrated groan. "That's bullshit. Look, you lost a big part of yourself just a couple of months ago. You can't expect to just be over that so soon."

"But-"

"I'm not saying you have to wallow in grief or whatever," he cut in over her. "But you shouldn't be forcing yourself to act like you're fine, either. It's gonna hurt for a while. It'll probably still hurt sometimes even years later. And if being in the guild gets too much for you to handle, I'm sure people will understand if you leave early. It'd certainly be better than drinking yourself to tears."

She sighed. "Juvia is tired of hurting over this. And a lot of other people went through a lot back then - she doesn't want to burden them further with worrying over her."

Gray rolled his eyes. "We worry about you because we care. And didn't talking with Lucy about what you both went through make you feel better?"

"Yes…" she answered reluctantly.

"See? It's better if we support each other, instead of suffering alone."

Tilting her head to one side, Juvia pointed out, "Gray-sama doesn't follow his own advice much, though…"

Looking away, he scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, well… I'm working on it." Silence stretched between them for a long moment. Turning back to her, he asked, "…Do you really feel like you're a burden?"

She made a 'so-so' gesture with her hand. "Juvia knows she'll be useful in future, once she's done learning from Porlyusica, but… right now she can't help much at all, and it'll be years until she will be able to. She hasn't been this dependent on others since she was a kid."

Gray shrugged. "Learning anything new takes time. And we're willing to help you out until you can stand on your own two feet again, 'cause we don't leave our own behind."

Juvia hummed thoughtfully but didn't say anything more. He scrounged up some clean clothing and got dressed. "Let's go get some breakfast before I walk you home," he suggested, and she readily agreed. They talked of lighter things as they ate and walked out to Porlyusica's hut in the woods.

Once they were a few feet away from their destination, Gray grasped Juvia's wrist, causing her to look at him questioningly. "Um, you're not going to avoid the guild again after what happened last night, are you?"

She slowly shook her head. "Juvia wants to spend more time with everyone again, even if it's hard for her to be there."

He nodded. "When it gets to be too much for you, just come find me and I'll walk you home."

Her eyes widened. "Gray-sama doesn't have to do that for Juvia!"

"I want to," he told her firmly, and her cheeks pinked a bit in response.

"Alright, if Gray-sama insists."

"I do. And, uh, we can walk around the Fantasia festival together, if you'd like?"

She blinked at him. "Gray-sama isn't going to be in the parade this year?"

"Nah. I… I didn't feel like participating this time." And he didn't want to admit how much that had to do with the fact that she wouldn't be able to do so.

Her blush returning, she gave him a soft smile that made his heart beat faster. "Then Juvia would love to spend the day with Gray-sama."

He couldn't keep from smiling back at her. "Okay, I'll meet you here that morning." With that settled, he took his leave, wondering if he should be looking forward to that day as much as he now was.


	6. Chapter 6

Juvia was more happily surprised than anything else when Gray asked her to spend Magnolia’s harvest festival with him, but as the day of the festival drew close she began to bubble with excitement more and more. Her distraction caused Porlyusica to snap at her for not paying enough attention to her studies, but Juvia just couldn’t stop thinking about what she might do together with Gray at the festival. She was a little surprised to realize that this was the first time she was really looking forward to something after the battle with Tartarus.

When the day of the festival arrived, she fretted over what to wear. Gray hadn’t said it was a date, and he probably didn’t think of it as one, but the idea of going to the festival together still seemed very romantic to Juvia and she wanted to look her best for it. Since it was the middle of October, she needed to dress warmly, but she thought she still looked cute in the outfit she finally decided on - a long sleeved turtleneck in pale green, a knee-length pleated skirt in a blue and white plaid, dark blue tights, and brown boots that came up to the middle of her calves. One of her much loved fur-trimmed hats topped off the look.

She couldn’t seem to hold still as she waited for Gray to arrive, irritating Porlyusica so thoroughly that she ordered Juvia out of her cottage. When she heard the crunching of leaves underfoot, she turned and spotted Gray approaching. He was dressed a little more nicely than usual, wearing a button-up shirt with his typical white coat and dark pants. He smiled when he saw her. “Hey. Ready to go?”

Juvia nodded enthusiastically, making him chuckle. “Eager to see the festival, huh? Is that why you were waiting out here?”

She looked down and toed the ground. “Um, well, maybe Porlyusica-sensei got tired of dealing with Juvia’s excitement…”

Gray made an amused snort. “Well, the sooner we get to the festival, the sooner you’ll have an outlet for all that energy.”

This was only Juvia’s second time attending Magnolia’s harvest festival, and the last one had been interrupted by Laxus’s plans, so when they reached the sections of the town set aside for the festival she looked around eagerly. There were booths lining the streets, some hawking a variety of trinkets, others selling fresh produce or food that could be eaten by the festival goers as they walked, and still others offers contents or games.

Juvia found herself drawn to a game that involved scooping goldfish out of a tank into a bowl with a paper scooper. Watching others trying to successfully catch the goldfish, the trick seemed to be keeping the paper scoop from getting too waterlogged and tearing under the weight of the fish. From where he was standing next to her, Gray leaned closer to her and asked, “Want to give it a try?” After her eager nod, Gray paid the vendor before stepping out of the way for Juvia to take a scooper and a bowl.

She watched the movement of the fish in the tank, knowing she would have to move quickly and precisely to catch. Choosing her moment to strike, she dipped the scooper into the water and flipped her chosen fish out of the tank and into her bowl. She looked up with a wide smile stretching across her lips to find Gray watching her with a proud glint in his eyes. “You’re still good with water, huh?”

Juvia ducked her head shyly as she nodded, a hint of pink on her cheeks. Gray-sama had praised her, even if it was over something as simple as a game! Turning back to the game, she caught four more fish before her scooper finally broke. The vendor offered her a choice between taking the fish she'd caught home as pets or one of the small prizes he had, and she settled on a little dolphin charm that could be attached to a bracelet or something. Rejoining Gray a few feet away from the game stall, she asked, “Where does Gray-sama want to go now?”

They continued to wander around the stalls, trying their hands at different games and occasionally tasting particularly delicious looking treats (including some more of those Caramade Franks Gray had taught her how to eat back when she was still new to the guild). Fairy Tail had decided not to hold any events besides the Fantasia Parade this year, so they had the entire afternoon to explore the festival’s offerings.

All in all, it was a perfect way for Juvia to forget about her recent troubles and just have fun. And Gray was beside her the whole time, smiling more than usual for him and even laughing from time to time. He actually held her hand sometimes, explaining it away as being worried about losing her in the crowds. Her excitement from earlier had settled down into more of a calm, content warmth as the day wore on. As the sun was sinking down past the horizon, they bought a pair of danishes and sat down at a nearby picnic table while they ate them. “We should head over to the parade route,” he commented in between bites. “It’ll be starting soon.”

“Yes, it will,” she agreed, her voice more subdued than it had been all day.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Gray asked, concerned with the sudden change. “Are you worried about the parade?”

She nodded. “Juvia’s sure it’ll be amazing, and she’ll be able to appreciate all of the displays better as a spectator than as a participant, but…”

“It’ll also remind you of why you’re not in it this year, right?” Juvia nodded. “Just remember to let me know it starts to get to be too much for you and we’ll go.”

She looked down, busying herself with tearing a bite off of her danish. “Juvia doesn’t want you to miss the parade because of her…”

Gray sighed, giving her a flat look. “I’ve been going to these festivals since I was a kid. The parade’s fun to watch, sure, but it doesn’t matter as much to me as it does to you. And you matter more to me than any parade.”

Those words made her pulse start to race and her cheeks warm. Seeming to become uncomfortable with what he had said, Gray looked away from her face and glanced around. When his gaze landed on the half-eaten pastry in her hands, he paused, comparing it to how little remained of his own danish. “Hey, did you not like yours?”

Juvia started to shake her head no, but froze when Gray lifted the small bit of pastry he had left. “Wanna try mine? Maybe you’d like peach better than apple?”

“Um, well, uh…” Flustered by the idea of eating something Gray’s lips had touched (indirect kiss!), all ability to speak normally seemed to have left her as her cheeks flared. Apparently taking her stammering as a yes, Gray raised the morsel up towards her lips. It felt like her cheeks were steaming as she leaned forward enough to bite down on it and pull it from his grasp before chewing and swallowing it.

“So, was it good?” Juvia had been freaking out about the indirect kiss too much to really notice the taste, but she nodded anyway. “Well, either toss that," he nodded at what remained of her pastry, "or finish it on the way - we really need to get going if we want to get a good view of the parade.”

Deciding she wasn’t really in a mood to appreciate the danish anymore, Juvia detoured to dump what was left of it in a trash can, then rejoined Gray. It wasn’t that far from where they were to the parade route, but a crowd was already starting to gather to watch when they got close. Her heart beat faster again as Gray took her hand in his and pulled her along through the crowd to the front. Even once they reached it, he didn’t let go as they waited for the first of the floats to come into view.

Bright bursts of fireworks filling the darkening sky announced the beginning of the parade. The spot they had chosen was close to the guild building, where the parade started from, so it didn’t take long for the first marchers in the parade to reach them. The members of their guild, old and new, danced and played music, marched in formation and gave demonstrations of their magic.

Like the previous parade she’d been present for, a number of the young women of the guild, including Lucy and Levy, wore matching outfits and performed a choreographed dance atop one of the earliest floats. Mirajane and Elfman shared a float and displayed different types of transformations and Take Overs, this time joined by Lisanna as well.

Wendy had a float to herself, keeping a multitude of streamers afloat with her winds. Her control was great enough she could sweep them into patterns for a time before letting the winds scatter them once more. On the next float, Erza put on a magnificent showing of swordsmanship as she switched seamlessly between armors and weapons as she moved.

Gajeel followed them on a float of his own, somehow having convince the master to allow him to sing one of his songs. Juvia applauded vigorously, of course, but she had a feeling that most of the crowd were more impressed by the float, a sturdy construction made from iron beams, than the music.

About two-thirds of the way through the parade, Gray leaned in towards her, asking quietly, “You okay?”

“Mostly,” she replied. “Juvia can feel how much Magnolia loves Fairy Tail, even after everything that’s happened. And it’s amazing to watch everyone in the guild use their magic in such light-hearted ways. Juvia’s glad she was able to be a part of something like this before, even if she never will be again.”

“I think doing the float with you that time is the most fun I’d had doing the parade for a while,” Gray admitted, making her turn towards him in puzzlement. “It’d gotten to be a bit of old hat for me, but you were so happy and amazed to be a part of it that it was kinda contagious.”

Juvia looked away, cheeks going a little pink again. Gray nudged her with an elbow to bring her attention back to him as he gave her a slightly teasing smile. “And don’t count out your chances of participating yet. You’re still a part of Fairy Tail, and some of this stuff requires dance moves more than it does magic.”

She blinked at him for a moment before asking, “Does that mean Gray-sama would like to see Juvia in an outfit like the one Lucy was wearing?”

Gray choked in response, going red and stammering out something unintelligible. Giggling, Juvia turned back to the parade and pointed at something, saying, “Look, Gray-sama.” That reaction was enough of an answer for her.

Once the last float had passed out of sight, Gray suggested that he escort her back to Porlyusica’s. She was a little disappointed about ending her time with Gray, but the walk was fairly long and it was getting dark. They passed the time as they walked easily, talking about what they had liked most about this year’s parade floats.

When they reached the clearing outside of Porlyusica’s cottage, Gray stopped and said, “Well, I guess this is where we say goodnight.”

She smiled up at him and said, “Juvia had a lot of fun with you today.”

Gray scratched the back of his head and looked away. “Um, yeah, me too.”

Juvia bit her lip for a moment before asking, “Would Gray-sama like to take her to visit the guild next Friday?”

He looked back at her and smiled. “Sure, I could do that. Just remember to let me know when you want to go home.”

“Juvia will.” They just stood there together for a long moment, neither one wanting to part just yet.

Finally, Gray mumbled, “Good night.”

“Good night, Gray-sama,” she told him with a smile. He returned it with one of his own before turning and walking away. Juvia turned herself and entered the cottage, trying to be as quiet as she could so as not to disturb Porlyusica.


	7. Chapter 7

Going to the guild on Friday evenings ended up becoming something of a routine for Juvia. It helped her stay connected with the rest of the guild, particularly since she’d been getting less visitors at Porlyusica's since things returned to normal. And when the reminders of how everything had changed for her got to be too much, Gray would keep his word and walk her home. She felt a little bad about him having to leave early just for her, but having him beside her made her feel better. And if he couldn’t be there for some reason, he’d make sure someone else (like Gajeel) kept her company.

A few weeks after Magnolia’s Harvest Festival, Levy came up to her on one of these Friday nights, looking like she was trying to keep from being excited about something. A bit puzzled since, while they got along well, Levy rarely deliberately approached her like this, Juvia asked, “Does Levy-san need something?”

Sitting down next to her, Levy said, “Well, I’ve been seeing what I could dig up about conditions like yours in my spare time. It hasn’t been easy - neither magic barrier particles or direct damage to a person’s magical containers are common.”

Juvia couldn’t help feeling touched that Levy would go to the trouble of doing research on her condition. But why only mention it to her now…? “Did you find out something, then?”

Levy nodded. “There’s a magical research facility in Onibus that specializes in studying magical containers - they’re the ones who discovered the existence of the secondary magical containers used by those who have unlocked their Second Origins.”

From her other side Gray asked with a frown, “A magical research facility?”

Another nod from Levy. “It’s an institution with a sterling reputation.” Turning back to Juvia, she continued, “I’ve corresponded a bit with them, and they’ve agreed to give you an examination if you want one. They think examining your particular case might give them more insight into how magical containers function.”

Juvia’s heart stopped for a moment, then resumed beating twice as fast. “Do you- Do you think that they might be able to help Juvia get her magic back?”

Levy shook her head. “There might be a small possibility they could help, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you. Still, you never know, and you wouldn’t lose anything by going through the examination.”

She’d given up hope of ever using her magic again when she’s woken up in Porlyusica’s home and could only feel emptiness where her magic should be. She’d gotten used to feeling that emptiness inside of her. But now, maybe, just maybe… “Juvia wants to go. If there’s even the smallest chance she could get her magic back…”

Planting his hand on the table forcefully, Gray turned to her and stated in a tone that brooked no argument, “If you’re going, you won’t be going alone. I’ll be coming with you.”

She nodded her acceptance. “Having Gray-sama with her will put Juvia more at ease.”

“Good,” Gray told her as he leaned back, but he still seemed uneasy.

It took a little bit of time for the arrangements to be made, but her appointment was set up for the following Wednesday. When Juvia informed her teacher about the upcoming trip, Porlyusica’s only response was a grumpy, “Don’t get your hopes up.”

On the train ride there, nervousness about the outcome began to set in for Juvia. She knew she shouldn’t get her hopes up, that she probably would come out of this just as unable to use magic as she was now, but… She wanted so badly for there to be a way to get her magic back, she couldn’t help hoping that the researchers would know something that would help her.

Sitting next to her on the train, Gray had been silent so far, his posture tense. He’d been acting a bit off since Levy had brought up the idea of this trip. Biting her lip, she turned to him and said, “It seems like Gray-sama didn’t really want Juvia to go on this trip. Is there a reason for that?”

Gray sighed and pushed a hand through his hair roughly. “It’s because of something that happened to my teacher Ur before she met me.” Juvia nodded at him, encouraging him to go on. “Her daughter, Ultear, was born with too much magic. It was killing her, so Ur took Ultear to a magical research facility, hoping they could help her. But they soon told her that Ultear had died.”

“But Ultear couldn’t have died, or…”

“Or we would’ve never met her, right. The research facility lied to Ur, so they could keep Ultear and run experiments on her. I’m not sure exactly how that led to her ending up in Grimoire Heart, but… Knowing that kind of thing can happen, I just can’t trust that this place won’t try to take you away somehow,” Gray finished explaining.

Looking at him with sympathetic eyes, Juvia slipped her hand into his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Then Juvia will just have to make sure that you stay with her as much as possible.”

Gray nodded. “Thanks, I appreciate that.”

When they arrived at the research facility the two of them were greeted by a pleasant young woman sitting at the front desk. “Juvia Lockser and Gray Fullbuster of Fairy Tail, correct?”

At their confirming nods, she smiled and got up to lead them further into the building, making small talk about how impressive their guild’s showing at the Grand Magic Games earlier that year had been. Once she’d lead them to a smaller examination room, she left them there after assuring them that someone would arrive to start Juvia’s examination shortly.

Juvia sat on the end of the examination table in the room, hands clasped together as she tried to calm her nerves, while Gray paced around the room, poking around to see if anything looked suspicious while being careful not to damage anything.

After what felt like much too long a wait, the door open and a pair of researchers entered, a woman with her hair pulled back into a ponytail and glasses and an older man with a beard that was beginning to gray. “Hello, I’m Doctor Quisenberry and this is Doctor Mahan,” the older man greeted them. “We’ll be the ones examining you today, Miss Lockser. You’ve already sent us your personal history, so there’ll be no need to go over that, but before we can start the examination you’ll need to change into the provided gown. We’ll step outside while you change.”

After the researchers had left the room, Juvia looked at Gray, expecting him to follow them, but he just stood there looking back at her. Upon realizing that Gray didn’t intend to follow them, she began to blush, pressing her hands to her cheeks. “Gray-sama wishes to watch Juvia change?! How bold!”

Going red himself, Gray protested, “It’s not that! It’s just… I don’t want to leave you alone in here.”

She smiled at him reassuringly. “Juvia doubts anything would happen to her if you left the room for a few minutes. But Gray-sama can stay if it’ll make him feel better, though he should probably at least turn around instead of staring at Juvia.”

Gray looked sheepish as he rubbed the back of his head. “Right, right… I’ll do that.” Keeping his word, he quickly turned his back towards her. “Just let me know when it’s safe to turn around.”

Not wanting to waste any time, Juvia slipped out of her clothes and into the loose thin gown that the facility had provided her with. After looking at it and making a face, she let Gray know that it was safe to look again, reminded him that his _own_ clothes needed to be on (making him scramble to get his shirt back on), then called the researchers back into the room.

After lying back on the exam table as instructed, Juvia let the female researcher place lacrima sensors on various parts of her body, then did her best to remain still and calm as the researchers examined readouts of what the sensors were picking up. Even with her increased knowledge of medicine from studying with Porlyusica, most of what they were talking about went over her head, though she did pick up on mentions of ‘extensive damage’.

She wasn’t sure how long the examination took - maybe an hour, maybe more - but eventually they told her they were finished and removed the sensors. After she got dressed in her normal clothes (with Gray in the room but looking away again), they left the room to find the older of the two researchers waiting to escort them back out. As they neared the entrance, the researcher turned to Juvia and said, “Thank you very much for taking the time to come here and let us examine you, Miss Lockser. The data we’ve gleaned from you should be a great help in advancing our understanding of magic containers.”

“Juvia is glad she could be of help.” Biting her lip, she hesitated for a moment before continuing, “Can you- Is there anything in what you found that might point towards a way for Juvia to get her magic back?”

The researcher shook his head regretfully. “Unfortunately, our current level of knowledge is insufficient to help a case such as yours. In ten or twenty years, perhaps…”

Juvia closed her eyes for a moment, then pasted a smile on her face. “That’s what Juvia expected. Still, thank you for your time, Doctor Quisenberry.”

Turning, Juvia could feel Gray following closely behind her as she left the research facility. Five feet… Ten feet… Fifteen feet… She made it twenty feet away before she couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. Gently turning her around, Gray wrapped his arms around her and held her as she sobbed. She knew she shouldn’t have gotten her hopes up, that this was probably always going to be the outcome, but still…

She wasn’t sure how long Gray held her while she cried, but when she pulled away there was a noticeable damp spot on Gray’s coat. Wiping at her tears, she muttered, “Gray-same must think Juvia is silly. Nothing has changed, after all…”

He shook his head at her. “I understand how it feels to have lost something, then later end up hoping despite yourself that maybe, somehow you could get it back, only to have those hopes dashed.”

Of course, his father… “Still,” she sniffled, “everyone was telling Juvia not to get her hopes up, but she still did…”

Gray sighed. “When we lose something important to us, it’s human nature to wish we could get it back, isn’t it? Even when we know that there’s no way we can.” Juvia nodded. “I’m still learning how to do this myself, but we can’t let those regrets about the past keep us from moving forward into the future. Because despite our losses, there’s still plenty of things worth living for.”

Pulling away from Gray a bit, she managed a watery smile. “‘If you have love in your life, you must keep on living.’ Juvia told Meredy that once, when they fought on Tenrou Island. She needs to remember to focus more on what she has than on what she doesn’t have.”

Blushing a bit, Gray let go of her completely. “Yeah. And one thing you have is a teacher who’ll be upset if we don’t have you back to her and studying by tomorrow. So let’s go home.”

Nodding her agreement, Juvia followed Gray towards the train station that would take them back to Magnolia.


	8. Chapter 8

After returning from her trip to the research facility, Juvia threw herself into her studies with renewed vigor. She had gained sufficient knowledge about the ingredients used in various types of medicine that Porlyusica judged her ready to start making some of the simpler types, though only under Porlyusica's watchful eyes. Juvia continued learning more about human anatomy and diseases as well.

As November began to draw to a close, Juvia was surprised one Saturday morning by the appearance of not just Gray, who was still a somewhat common visitor, but Lucy and Erza as well. Blinking at them, she wondered if there was some occasion she had forgotten about. "Hello, Gray-sama, Erza-san, and Lucy," she greeted them.

Lucy held up a small, wrapped package. "Erza and I got you a present!" The two girls were smiling brightly at her.

When she glanced at Gray, he raised his hands defensively. "I didn't have anything to do with this - I just wanted to come along so I could find out what they got you. They've been kinda secretive about the whole thing."

Quite curious now, Juvia accepted the present from Lucy and carefully removed the wrapping paper, revealing a small, plain box. Opening the box, she pulled out… a metal cylinder? It was shaped to be held comfortably in one hand, with a subtle pattern of waves etched into the metal and a button whose color reminded her of a sun-lit ocean towards the top. Placing her thumb over the button, she hesitated, glancing at Lucy and Erza, who gave her encouraging looks.

When she pressed it, water shot from the end, flowing into a semi-solid length that draped on the ground before her. Flexing her wrist, she realized what it was she held - a whip made of magical water. Awed, she flicked it a couple of times before turning back to Lucy and Erza. "This is a magical weapon that powers itself… Where did you find such a thing?"

Looking sheepish, Lucy explained, "Um, well, we actually had it made for you… I'm the one who initially thought about finding a weapon like my Fleuve d'Etoilles for you, but it was Erza's knowledge of the ins and outs of weapon forging that made it possible."

Erza nodded seriously. "I've often found it necessary to procure my own materials to obtain a particular weapon I wished to possess. Weapons that hold their own power have their own challenges, but you hold the fruits of our efforts now."

Her vision blurring with happy tears, she clicked off the water whip and lunged forward to pull Lucy and Erza into a hug. While initially surprised, they soon reciprocated the affection. "Thank you both so much! Juvia doesn't think anyone has ever gotten her something so thoughtful!"

The hug lasted for several minutes, but eventually the three of them pulled apart. "This should help you out if you ever need to defend yourself - you may not go on jobs any more, but us Fairies are good at finding trouble," Lucy told her. "You probably don't have any experience with using an actual whip, so I thought I could give you some lessons on how to use it."

Juvia gave her a bright smile. "That sounds wonderful, Lucy! Maybe if Juvia gets good enough with, she'll be able to go on jobs again someday!"

"No, you won't." When that firm statement cut in, the three of them snapped their heads towards Gray, who was looking at them with his mouth set in a grim line.

Turning to face Gray fully, Juvia took a step towards him, her brow furrowing. "What do you mean, Juvia won't?" she asked in a quiet voice.

Uncertainty showed on Gray's face for a moment when she addressed him, but it soon hardened with determination. "I mean you're not going out on jobs anymore. I won't let you."

Frowning, she replied, "Juvia appreciates how you have been looking after her, and she understands why you didn't want to let her go to Onibus alone, but that doesn't mean she wants you to decide things for her."

Leaning forward, he told her, "I don't care, it's too dangerous for you to be going out on jobs. So I won't let you!"

She vaguely registered Lucy and Erza looking at each other uneasily in the background as she leaned closer to Gray, too, refusing to let him intimidate her. "Juvia doesn't allow anyone to make her decisions for her, not even you, Gray-sama!"

"Dammit, Juvia, are you so eager to throw your life away?!" Gray yelled. "I _won't_ lose another person I _love_!"

Stunned silence followed Gray's outburst as everyone present realized what he'd just said. Juvia watched with wide eyes and a dropped jaw as Gray's face slowly flushed and his eyes darted around. Then he bolted, running out of the clearing around Porlyusica's cottage and into the trackless forest. "Gray-sama!" she called after him, but he didn't slow.

"Stay here, I'll go after him!" Erza called as she shot off into the forest after him.

As Juvia stared at where the two of them had gone, Lucy came up behind her and rested a comforting hand on Juvia's shoulder. "Do you… Do you think Gray-sama meant what he said, or do you think he was just angry?" she asked.

Lucy sighed before answering. "I can't say I know exactly what goes on in his head, but it's been clear for a while now that Gray really cares about you. Since we fought Tartarus, he's been going out of his way to spend time with you and take care of you. And we both know he wouldn't do that for just anyone." Juvia nodded in agreement.

"But whatever his feelings for you are, he probably wasn't prepared to face them yet. So don't take it too much to heart if he tries to brush this off, okay?"

"Juvia will try. She's been patient with him this long, after all." She gave Lucy a weak smile. "…Do you think Juvia was being unreasonable?"

Lucy shook her head. "No way! It's one thing for someone to ask you not to do something, or tell you why they don't want you to do something, but it's quite another for someone to just say that you can't do something. I'm glad you told Gray where he could shove his orders."

"Juvia wouldn't put it quite _that_ way…" Looking back at where Gray and Erza had disappeared, she wondered if Erza had caught up to Gray yet…

* * *

Gray wasn't sure how far he'd gone by the time he stopped to catch his breath, but he could no longer see Porlyusica's hut through the trees. He hadn't been running with any particular destination in mind, he'd just needed to get away from there. Pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes, he groaned. He'd never meant to say something like that, but he'd just been so angry at Juvia for considering putting her life at risk like that…! And even though he'd said those words in the heat of the moment, he couldn't deny the truth of them, at least to himself…

The crunching of fallen leaves and branches under feet broke him out of his thoughts. Letting his hands fall from his face, he looked up to find Erza standing a few feet away from him. He figured she must have let him hear her on purpose - if she'd wanted to, she could've taken him unawares and already been carrying him back to the others over her shoulder. "Come to drag me back?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I was hoping you'd talk with me, actually." When he simply lowered his head without responding, she continued, "It isn't like you to tell someone what to do like that. And we both know you wouldn't say what you did lightly, even when angry."

Gray took a deep, shuddering breath. "I'm scared, Erza," he confessed in a quiet voice. "She almost _died_ , after… I don't what I would do if something happened to her. I just want her to stay safe, is that so wrong?"

Erza shook her head. "It's understandable that you want her to be safe, but it shouldn't come at the cost of her not being able to live her life how she wants to. You wouldn't ask her not to go on jobs if she still had her magic, would you?"

He slowly shook his head. "But…"

"If she started taking on jobs again, I'm sure she would be careful to gauge whether her abilities were strong enough to complete them," Erza said, cutting him off.

"Even so, you know how jobs can go bad sometimes," Gray replied.

Her tone was sympathetic when she said, "We both know how quickly the things we care about can be torn away from us. And unfortunately, there's no way to guarantee it won't happen. Even for those who live ordinary lives, there could be an accident, or a sudden illness. The only way to be sure you won't lose anyone is to have no one to lose. But we've both learned that that's no way to live, haven't we?"

Gray slowly nodded. "All this time, I've been trying to pretend that I could care about you guys and the rest of the guild, but not let anyone close enough that losing them would really hurt. But that hasn't been true for a while, has it? And Juvia… it's like she slowly crept up on me, and by the time I realized how close she'd gotten it was too late, I didn't have the heart to push her away for good. Now I can't pretend she doesn't matter to me anymore."

"Maybe it's time you stopped trying to push happiness away, and started learning to embrace it instead," Erza suggested gently. "If the day comes when Juvia is no longer with us, do you want to regret not accepting the love she's long been offering you?"

Thinking back to that awful night when Juvia's life hung in the balance, he remembered the regrets that had weighed on him because he and Juvia might have never had the chance to explore the bond between them further. With everything that he'd learned once Juvia was recovering, he hadn't tried to come to terms with those feelings, content to sweep them under the rug to be dealt with later.

But now was the time to face the reality of what he felt for Juvia, whether he wanted to or not. Did he want to continue give himself more regrets for the future? Or could he find the courage to brave the risk of loss and reach for what he truly desired?

Looking up at Erza, he told her in a voice steady with newfound determination, "Let's head back to the others."

Erza gave him a proud smile before leading the way.

* * *

When Gray and Erza emerged from the woods, Juvia noticed the way he scanned the clearing until he spotted her. His steps as he approached her were determined, but there was nervousness as well edging into his voice when he asked her, "Can we talk?" Looking around at Lucy and Erza, he emphasized, "Alone?"

"Of course," Erza replied, a hint of a smile lingering on her lips. "Let's go, Lucy - our mission here has been accomplished."

"Alright…" Turning to Juvia, Lucy told her, "I'll be in touch about those lessons soon."

As they were leaving, she called after them, "Thank you again for the present. Juvia will treasure it!" They smiled and waved to let her know that they'd heard her.

Once they were gone, Juvia turned to face Gray, wondering what he was going to say.

After taking a deep breath to steel himself, he didn't quite look directly at her as he said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried to order you around like that. I just…" He looked right at her as he continued, "You know how dangerous jobs for mages can be. I just don't want anything to happen to you."

She nodded. "Juvia admits she was probably jumping the gun - she was just so excited to finally have a means to fight with again if she needs to. But she wouldn't actually go on a job unless she felt she was truly prepared for it."

"I can accept that. …Can you forgive me for being an ass about it?"

"Of course," she told him with a smile. "Just try not to do it again."

They stood there looking at each for a long moment. Starting to fidget under Gray's scrunity, she asked, "Is that all Gray-sama wanted to talk about?"

She was surprised when, after seeming to argue with himself for a moment, Gray reached out and took a hold of her hands with his own. "…No. No, it isn't."

He was definitely looking nervous and a little flushed as she waited for him to continue. "This is hard to put into words, but… You're important to me. Not just as a guildmate, or a friend, but in a different way, too."

Juvia almost couldn't believe she was hearing him say this, because his words were implying that he… That he really…

Taking a deep breath, he pressed on. "I'm grateful that you've always been there beside me, doing your best to show me how much you care. I hope that I'll be able to… to show how much you mean to me, too."

Cheeks flushed as she looked at him in wonder, she asked, "Is Juvia dreaming? Gray-sama… Gray-sama doesn't say things like this to Juvia when she isn't…"

"Wouldn't I be a bit less nervous if you were dreaming?" Gray asked with a wry smile. Squeezing the hands he was holding gently, he continued, "I know I'm not good at talking about this kinda stuff, but I'm going to try to show it - how I feel - a bit more at least. And if it's proof you're not dreaming you want, well… I can try showing you?"

Letting go of her hands, he moved closer to her, cupping one of her cheeks with one hand while resting the other on her shoulder. Her eyes widened as she realized where he was going with this, then she nodded and let her eyes flutter closed. His lips were warm and a bit dry when he pressed them against hers, but the simple touch sent a thrill through her. Tilting her head a little, she pressed a little more firmly, their lips moving against each other.

After a few moments longer he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. "Do you still think that you're dreaming?"

She gently shook her head. "Juvia's dreams have never felt that real." She couldn't keep a giddy smile from stretching across her lips. "So, what now?"

Gray shrugged. "We're dating, I guess. I'd rather not make a big deal about, though. And I still need to focus on defeating END."

Nodding, she replied, "Juvia's okay with taking things slowly. She's just happy that Gray-sama really does care for her…"

"I do," he agreed. They stood there together for a long moment, just enjoying the other's presence, before Gray sighed. "I should be heading back, but I'll see you again soon."

He kissed her again, short but sweet, before leaving. When she went back inside, Porlyusica took one look at her love-struck expression and made a disgusted noise, but Juvia didn't care. Her Gray-sama returned at least a little of the affection she held for him, and that was all that mattered.


	9. Chapter 9

Over the next few days, Juvia couldn't keep random smiles from breaking out across her face when she remembered that she was Gray's girlfriend now, much to Porlyusica's disgust. Of course, just because they were dating now didn't mean that everything was suddenly different. Gray stopped by a couple of times during the week like he usually did. They mostly acted like they normally did, though they stayed a little closer to each other, and exchanged a few hesitant kisses. Even these small changes were enough to delight Juvia, though. As much as she might indulge in grand romantic daydreams, small touches and the softness in Gray's eyes when he looked at her were enough to send her heart racing.

When Gray took her to Fairy Tail for her usual Friday night visit, it quickly became clear that news of their new status had spread. There was some (mostly) gentle ribbing from the other guild members that made both of their cheeks burn for a bit, but it wasn't too long before their friends were satisfied and left them alone about the subject.

The two them spent much of the night sitting at a table with Erza, Lucy, and Wendy. At first glance, it would seem just like any other night Gray and Juvia had spent at the guild before - until you noticed they were sitting close enough for their thighs to brush against each other, and that Gray would sometimes casually rest his hand on top of Juvia's.

As the hour grew later, Gray leaned over and quietly asked her, "Are you doing okay?"

Nodding, she replied, "Juvia is holding up well, so she can stay a little while longer." Over time, it was becoming easier for her to be here in the guild hall. She still felt pangs of sadness when she was reminded of all she could no longer do, but they were duller now. Perhaps her visit to the magic research facility had helped her give up any hope she'd had of regaining her magic she'd held deep in her heart and fully accept that she'd never have magic again.

Of course, that Juvia no longer had her own magic didn't mean there wasn't any magic she could use, as Lucy reminded her by bringing up the topic of starting her lessons in how to use a whip. With a smile, Juvia agreed to meet Lucy in a field on the edge of the East Forest to train the next morning.

When Juvia was done for the night, Gray escorted her back to Porlyusica's like he usually did. Though, she mused as Gray leaned down to press his lips to hers, there was now something that made their partings a little sweeter. She let herself sink into the sensations of his arms around her waist and his warm mouth moving against hers. When he pulled away, she was a little flushed and couldn't help smiling up at him adoringly.

Smiling back at her, he tucked a stray lock of hair behind one of her ears. "See you again soon. Good night, Juvia." She watched him leave until he vanished into the trees, then quietly entered Porlyusica's cottage. The old healer only glanced up briefly from the book she was reading as Juvia entered.

If Juvia had ever thought that becoming Porlyusica's student would soften her attitude towards Juvia, she had been well proven wrong. But learning from her had only increased Juvia's respect for her knowledge, and she prized the few times she'd managed to gain Porlyusica's approval.

The next morning after breakfast, Juvia dressed herself in clothes that would be easy to move in - a loose shirt, pants, and boots - and put on a coat over everything to keep herself warm. As she walked through the forest towards where she was meeting Lucy, looking at the now bare branches of the trees around her made her wonder if they'd be getting more than the occasional dusting of snow soon.

When she reached the appointed meeting spot, Lucy was already there. Smiling at her, Lucy asked, "Are you ready to start training?"

Nodding, Juvia pulled the handle of her whip out of her pocket and pressed the button to activate it. As water flowed out of it and formed into the lash of the whip, Juvia admired the beauty of the weapon in her hand. Lucy and Erza had given her a truly wonderful gift.

The first thing Lucy showed her how to do was how to control where the lash went when she struck with the whip. With Virgo's and Aries's help Lucy had set up some practice dummies for Juvia to use. Her first few attempts were almost laughably bad. Turning to Lucy, she commented, "You make this look much easier than it is."

Lucy shrugged. "Trust me, I didn't do any better when I was first learning how to wield a whip."

Juvia smiled at that, then tilted her head to one side thoughtfully. "How did Lucy end up learning how to use a whip, anyway? It doesn't seem like something that the heiress of a rich family would be taught."

Lucy snorted. "No, my dad never would have approved of me learning how to fight at all. He was okay with me learning Celestial Spirit magic along with magical theory because of how indirect it usually is, but he never wanted me to do anything so dangerous as taking on jobs as a mage.

"But even as a kid, I loved reading about adventures, and wanted to go on my own someday. So I snuck out when I could to summon Aquarius and pester her to teach me how to fight." Lucy had a sadly nostalgic smile on her face as she spoke of Aquarius. "As a teacher she was pretty brutal, but I did successfully learn how to use a whip, so it wasn't all bad."

Shaking off her sad mood, Lucy perked up as she told Juvia, "Now the only way you'll get better is if you keep trying, so back to it!"

By the end of the training session, Juvia was getting much better at hitting her intended target with her attacks. As she wiped sweat from her brow, Lucy smiled at her and said, "You're doing really well. Next session maybe we'll start teaching you how to use your whip to pull the legs out from under people and other more advanced tactics."

Smiling back, she replied. "That's good. …Juvia really appreciates you taking the time to teach her."

Her smile widening, Lucy replied, "Hey, what are friends for? Besides, this is actually being kind of fun."

After that, whip training sessions, usually held on Saturday morning, made a regular appearance in her schedule. As much as her life now was nothing like she thought it would be just half a year before, Juvia was becoming surprisingly content with what her life had become. Despite what she had lost, she still had her friends and guild mates, she was learning new skills, and her relationship with Gray had taken a turn for the better. The battle against Tartarus had left many of them with wounds that ran deeper than the physical, and while those wounds weren't gone yet, they were on their way to being healed.

But the fragile contentment Juvia had found was shattered on a day in the middle of December, when a stern Erza knocked on Porlyusica's door before dragging an annoyed Gray by the collar into the cottage.

"Damn it, Erza! I told you I'd get it looked at!"

Shutting the door behind her, Erza released Gray but fixed him with a pointed stare. "This is a serious matter that must be seen to at once."

Porlyusica strode over to meet them and barked out, "What's the problem? Out with it!" Juvia, who'd looked up when the pair of mages had barged in, carefully set down the text she had been studying and followed her teacher, standing far enough away to stay out of the way but close enough to see what was going on.

"We were in the midst of training when I spotted something most disturbing…" Erza turned to look at Gray expectantly. He frowned at her, but obediently pushed back the right sleeve of his jacket. Paling, Juvia pressed her hands over her mouth to stifle a gasp as she caught sight of a large black patch with jagged edges on Gray's forearm.

"This happens sometimes when I use my magic," Gray muttered, turning his head away. "It should go away in time - it's not a big deal."

"Idiot humans!" Porlyusica hissed. "Did you ever think about what might happen if it _stops_ going away?!" She began firing off questions about when the mark started appearing, what size it had started out at, what was the largest it had gotten, and more.

Biting her lip, Juvia ventured to ask, "Does Porlyusica-sensei know what this is?"

Shaking her head sharply, Porlyusica replied, "I have some theories, but none of them are good news."

Porlyusica was well versed in many aspects of medicine, and took a particular interest in afflictions that specifically affected mages - if Gray's condition was something Porlyusica couldn't readily identify, it must be rare.

Somewhat begrudgingly, Gray allowed Porlyusica to subject him to a number of tests. Once she was finished, she declared, "It will take me some time to analyze all of this. I'll contact you when I know more. Now get out of my house!"

Gray and Erza didn't need to be told twice. Juvia followed after them, calling out, "Wait, Gray-sama!"

Pausing, Gray exchanged a look with Erza. After nodding to him, Erza continued on toward Magnolia while Gray turned around and stepped towards Juvia. Moving forward to met him, she said, "Please take this seriously, Gray-sama. Juvia is worried… That mark gives her a bad feeling. She doesn't want anything to happen to you."

Gray reached out and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his face in her hair. She wrapped her arms around him in turn, resting her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry," he muttered into her ear. "It's just… I wanted to pretend it's nothing to worry about, because I'm scared that it _is_. I'm scared that it'll keep me from fulfilling my promise to my dad… That it'll take me away from you."

Her heart squeezed, knowing such admissions didn't come easily to him. Tightening her grip on him, she said, "This isn't something you have to face alone. Porlyusica will help you, and she is very good at what she does. …And Juvia will do everything she can to help you, too."

"Thank you," he whispered. They stood there together for a while, Juvia offering him whatever comfort her presence could bring.

When at last he pulled away, Gray managed a small smile for her. "I should be going now, but I'll see you soon."

Juvia nodded, then went up on tiptoe to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Goodbye, Gray-sama."

His smile widened a little as he told her, "Goodbye, Juvia," before starting the walk back to Magnolia.

Once he was gone, Juvia went back inside the cottage. Walking over to Porlyusica, she tried to unobtrusively peer over her shoulder at the information from the tests she'd run on Gray. Juvia must not have been being stealthy enough, though, because Porlyusica sighed and turned to pin her with a stern look.

"Since I doubt you will be able to concentrate on anything else," she said while frowning at Juvia, "I have a task for you that's related to understanding what ails that boy."

Trying not to seem too eager, Juvia asked, "What is it?"

"Go to that library your guild has, enlisting help if necessary, and find everything it has that talks about Devil Slaying magic."


	10. Chapter 10

Juvia asked for Levy's help on her search as soon as she could - very few members knew the contents of the guild's library better then she did. Levy was quite willing to aid her, but unfortunately the library wasn't kept in a particularly organized fashion, and a number of the older books were compendiums filled with seemingly random assortments of topics, guided more by whatever subjects struck the author's fancy than any overarching theme. And as Devil Slaying magic was a Lost Magic, like the other Slayer magics, any detailed information about it was likely to only be found in older texts.

That's why they'd ended up spending several hours a day for the past couple of days poring through the library's contents trying to find something that might explain what was happening to Gray. Gajeel hadn't felt up to joining the search - this kind of research was hardly his forte - but he did check on them every so often, reminding them to take breaks and eat.

Some of the texts that might have a lead were written in archaic dialects or foreign languages. Juvia usually let Levy handle those, as her skills with languages far surpassed Juvia's own. Unfortunately, that meant that none of the ones Juvia was looking through had more than passing mentions of Devil Slaying magic. Fatigue setting in, Juvia pushed up the Galeforce reading glasses she'd borrowed from Lucy and rubbed her eyes.

"I think I may have found something…" Levy's statement wasn't loud, but still drew Juvia's attention immediately.

Standing up and stretching, Juvia walked over so she could look over Levy's shoulder. The book Levy was looking through now was very thick and at least a couple of hundred years old. Pointing at some of the text on the page, written in one of Fiorian's older dialects, Levy said, "This passage here is clearly talking about Devil Slaying magic." Juvia could only make out some of the words, but Levy did seem to be correct, so she nodded. "I'd have to take the time to translate it into more modern wording to figure out what exactly it's saying and how extensive the passage is, but it could be a start, at least."

Smiling down at Levy, Juvia told her, "It's the first real lead to be found - thank you very much for finding it. You should work out what exactly it says, while Juvia continues looking."

Settling back into her seat, Juvia tackled the pile of books in front of her with renewed vigor, though little more success. She occasionally glanced over at Levy, finding her hard at work, concentrating intensely on translating what she'd found into a more readable form. Even as knowledgeable as Levy was, she was forced to consult dictionaries to understand some of the words she was encountering.

It wasn't until after lunch the next day that Levy finished up her translation. At first Juvia was feeling hopeful that since Levy was taking so long, the information would be extensive and useful, but her spirits dimmed upon seeing how grim Levy looked when handing the stack of pages she'd written over. "…Is it bad?" Juvia asked, worry etching itself on her features.

Levy sighed, looking away. "It's not hopeless, but… Just read it."

With a lump in her throat, Juvia carried the rewritten passages over to her seat, clearing off the table in front of her so she could spread them out before her. Sitting down heavily, she began to read.

> _Of the three known Slayer magics, Devil Slaying magic is the one most inimical to its wielders. While God Slaying magic tends slowly burn out those that wield it, for no mortal frame was ever meant to hold the might of a god, and Dragon Slaying magic tries to draw its wielders into becoming Dragons themselves, only Devil Slaying magic carries an inherently corrupting influence, for only Demons thrive on hatred, rage, and pain._
> 
> _Unlike Take-Over magic, where the powers of the taken over entities are largely locked away, Slaying magic involves a far more thorough absorption of some of the nature of the creature the magic is drawn from. And Demons, whose power comes from a source other than the Ethernano that all normal forms of magic draw on, have a nature that is antithetical to other forms of life._
> 
> _Thus, Devil Slaying magic eats away at the body and especially the mind of those who wield it. As the Devil Slayer's powers go stronger, and particularly if they absorb power directly from Demons, the corruption within them grows. Those strong of mind and body can restrain and even control the spread of this corruption to a degree, but none can prevent it entirely. The corruption will seek out any weakness or negative emotions held in the heart of the Devil Slayer and seek to exploit them._
> 
> _It is thought that the only thing that can truly fight back the corruption is Love, the force that some even consider to be the source of all magic. The presence of those who support and care for the Devil Slayer in their life is vital to keeping the corruption from progressing to the point where it will result in madness or death. Unfortunately, there is no recorded account of a Devil Slayer avoiding those fates entirely, unless they fell in battle before the deterioration progressed that far._

The text continued on to describe exercises that would help a Devil Slayer bring the corruption under control, but Juvia stopped reading at that point. She felt sick to her stomach. Did Father-sama know how much of a burden he was placing on Gray -sama when he passed on his Devil Slaying powers? Is that why he'd asked her to take care of him? She didn't think Silver would knowingly sentence his own son to madness and death, but… Taking deep breaths, she reminded herself that just because there was no record of someone managing not to succumb to the corruption of Devil Slaying magic, didn't mean it wasn't possible. And if anyone was good at defying the odds, it was the mages of Fairy Tail.

Standing up, she told Levy, "Juvia will take this information to Porlyusica - the sooner she has an idea of what she's dealing with the better."

"Alright, I'll keep looking, see if I can find anything more about this," Levy replied, her head buried in a book.

Juvia didn't pay much attention to her trip through Magnolia to Porlyusica's cottage, her mind too full of the new information she had. Once she handed the papers over to Porlyusica, the healer read them, her mouth thinning into a grim line as she did so. Muttering about human foolishness, Porlyusica sent her to fetch Gray.

Juvia had seen him in the guild earlier as she'd passed through, and thankfully he was still there when she came back. He readily agreed to come with her to Porlyusica's. As they walked through Magnolia and the eastern forest, the air around them was heavy and tense. Perhaps realizing that the news wasn't good from her demeanor, Gray hadn't asked any questions of her after Juvia had told him that Porlyusica wanted to see him about his condition. Glancing over at Gray, she could see a little bit of the blackness creeping down his arm - now that she knew what it was, she couldn't keep a shudder from running down her spine.

After they arrived at Porlyusica's cottage, Juvia stood back a ways while Porlyusica told Gray about the information they'd found out. "Do you have any idea as to why this has progressed as quickly as it has?" Porlyusica questioned sharply.

Gray was looking down at his arm, the sleeve pushed back to reveal the black patch that was no longer vanishing completely. "Well, I have been pushing my training rather hard lately. And…" Juvia shifted closer to listen more easily as he slowly continued, "During the battle with Tartarus, when I faced Mard Geer with Natsu… He threw an attack at us that he'd come up with to try to kill Zeref. It was a desperate ploy, but I had a feeling that I could… absorb the power of it, or something. And it worked, but… that was the first time my skin changed like this."

"Such reckless fools this guild has in it," Porlyusica grumbled.

Scowling, Gray shot back, "Hey, I didn't have time to come up with anything else! If I hadn't done that, neither Natsu or I would still be around!"

"Be that as it may, this power your father placed upon you carries considerable consequences with it," Porlyusica responded. "You should consider ceasing your use of it entirely."

Ignoring that, Gray asked, "You said that you found some exercises that would help me with containing the corruption?"

Clicking her tongue, Porlyusica handed him the pages Juvia had brought to her. "Take it and get out, then, if you won't listen to sense."

Gray quickly thanked her and headed out the door. Juvia's feet carried her after him as she called out, "Gray-sama, wait!" He stopped and turned around a few feet away from the cottage. She was sure the concern that she felt for him was written all over her face. "Juvia had no idea that… that Gray-sama had come so close…"

A wry smile pulled at his lips as he said, "I guess we both had close calls back then, huh? Though yours was much closer than mine." Reaching out, he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "You know I can't stop pushing myself to get stronger, right?"

She nodded slowly. "Because of END. But, afterwards…"

"After END is gone, I'll only use it if I must," he told her, his eyes locked on her to show his sincerity.

Reaching out, she pulled him into a hug. He was stiff with surprise at first, but soon allowed himself to relax into her embrace. "Just remember that there are many people who want you to stay alive, with them," she said, words muffled as she rested her head against his chest.

"I'll do my best to not die, but you know there's no guarantees going into that kind of fight."

"Juvia knows…" she replied, her voice heavy with sadness.

He sighed. "This is part of why I hadn't been planning to tell you…"

Raising her head to look at him, she slowly shook it. "Even if Juvia loses you someday, she'd rather know that you care about her, and have made memories with you, than never had this at all."

"I hope you'll never have cause to regret those words." She laid her head back on his chest, and he rested his chin on top of it as they stood there holding each other for a while.


	11. Chapter 11

Over the next couple of weeks, Gray worked hard and managed to gain a large measure of control over the corruption caused by his Devil Slaying magic - the black markings no longer appeared unless he was actively using Devil Slaying magic or he deliberately brought them to the surface. While this eased Juvia's concern for him to a degree, she still didn't like the way the markings were gradually creeping to cover more of his body when they did appear. But she knew he wouldn't be dissuaded from his present course - carrying out Father's wishes was too important to him - so she simply resolved to do her best to support and take care of him.

In other news, Makarov hadn't been able to ignore the requests of his fellow Wizard Saints any longer - he'd had to step down as the master of the Fairy Tail guild and take up one of the seats on the reformed Magic Council. Makarov selected Laxus to be the next Guild Master and, in contrast with the man he'd once been, Laxus only accepted the post reluctantly, but vowed to do his best to take care of the guild. Juvia was sad to see Makarov leave - she would always be grateful to him for allowing her and Gajeel to join Fairy Tail after what they'd done as part of Phantom Lord - but she thought that Laxus would grow into the role of Master well.

Juvia herself continued to study how to use a whip with Lucy, who thought she was doing quite well, as well as studying medicine with Porlyusica. There was so much material to cover in that field - anatomy, diseases, methods of treatment, drugs and potions - that it sometimes felt she would never finish, or even master the subjects well enough to be able to help someone. But she had learned the recipes for some of the simpler medicines well enough that Porlyusica no longer felt the need to watch over her as she made them. And when Porlyusica helped the patients who occasionally appeared on her doorstep, Juvia was beginning to understand how she narrowed down what ailed them.

She also continued to visit the guild on Friday nights. Spending time there was less painful than it had been, as she reconciled herself to her current situation more and more. Still, she didn't think there would ever come a time when she would be able to think of using magic without feeling a pang in her heart. Gray and Erza were taking difficult missions frequently, which often took them away from the guild for days or even a couple of weeks at a time, but Gray still accompanied her to the guild when he was around, as well as spending time with her alone when he got a chance to do so.

In this manner the year X791 ended, and X792 began. Days turned into months, and the weather started to warm. Towards the end of March, a large traveling faire came to Magnolia, and many people from nearby towns visited to take a look at the wares available. Gray happened to be in Magnolia at the time, so Juvia asked him to visit the faire with her, and he readily agreed.

The stalls that had been erected for the faire contained goods from distant kingdoms, even the western continent of Alvarez. Bolts of cloth, perfumes, jewelry, spices, and many other kinds of things were displayed for sale. Juvia and Gray wandered among the booths, mostly just admiring the available wares, though they tried the occasional treat from one of the food vendors.

As they were walking through the faire, they heard a familiar voice call their names. Turning, they saw Lucy, Wendy, and Charle making their way towards them. Those three had been spending more time in each other's company. With Natsu and Happy gone to train and Gray and Erza taking tougher jobs, the trio had ended up taking most of their jobs together.

"You guys decided to check out the faire too, huh?" Gray asked with a small smile.

Wendy nodded, and Lucy answered, "Yeah, we thought that we'd see what they have here. Do you want to come along with us?" Looking between Gray and Juvia, a sly smile crept across Lucy's lips. "Or would the two of you prefer to be alone?"

They both flushed a bit, Gray glancing at Juvia as if asking her what she wanted to do. "No, Juvia and Gray would enjoy going with you," she told Lucy. As much as she loved spending time with just Gray, she did like spending time with their friends too, and she felt that it would be rude to refuse Lucy's offer.

The now larger group continued through the faire a bit longer, stopping every now and then to examine a particularly interesting stall. Spotting a booth selling exotic medicinal herbs, Juvia remembered that Porlyusica had asked to look for some hard to find herbs while she was at the faire - Porlyusica preferred not to have to deal with so many people if she didn't have to. Tapping Gray on the shoulder, she told him, "Juvia needs to check out what that booth has for sale - she'll be right back."

"Do you want us to wait for you?" he asked, frowning a little.

Shaking her head, she replied, "Juvia will catch up to you. It shouldn't take her long."

"Alright," he agreed, continuing down the street with the others while she walked over to the stall she'd spotted.

She was only able to find two of the three things Porlyusica had asked her to get, but the merchant suggested she try another booth further down for the last one. As she finished paying for her purchases and began to head in the direction Gray and the others, she felt someone bump into her and the bag filled with the things she'd just bought was pulled from her grasp.

She stared at the thief as he ran away for a moment before pulling herself together and chasing after him. She may not have magic anymore, but that didn't mean that she would let some little punk take off with her stuff! As she slowly gained on him, he ducked down a side street, then turned into an alleyway.

Pounding after him, Juvia was brought up short by the sight of five more men loitering in the alleyway. No longer certain that this was the simple theft it had initially seemed to be, Juvia subtly reached down and pulled her whip off of her belt.

The largest of the six men, presumably the leader of the little band, stepped forward and said, "Well, well, look who the cat dragged in."

Narrowing her eyes at him, she made sure her stance was firm as she asked, "What do you want from Juvia?"

Giving her a nasty grin, the leader replied, "You don't recognize us? I'm hurt, truly. You'd think that you'd remember when you and that iron beast took down the Viper Fang guild, rain woman." To be honest, Juvia didn't remember defeating that guild with Gajeel at all - but then, between the ones they'd taken down as part of Phantom Lord and the ones they'd defeated after they joined Fairy Tail, she could hardly be expected to remember all of them.

His grin widening, he continued, "But you're not much of a rain woman now, are you? Word on the street is that your magic's gone - you're just a weak little girl now."

So, they were after revenge now that they thought she no longer had the strength to kick their asses. Scanning over the men arrayed in front of her, she wasn't sure they were wrong - even with the whip Lucy and Erza had given her, six mages might be too much for her to taken on at once. Though it grated on her a bit, she needed to call for help. Tipping her head back, she shouted "Gray-sama!" at the top of her lungs, hoping he would hear her and find her. Now she just had to stay up until he and their other friends got here, she told herself as she pressed the button that made her whip flow into existence.

The leader sneered. "Stupid bitch, your lover won't save you!" He rushed her. A flick of the wrist, and her whip wrapped around an arm. A sharp yank pulled him off his feet and threw him behind her. Five remained, two to her left and three to her right. Her whip lashed out and pulled the legs out from under one on the right, sending them all tumbling into each other.

A blur came flying from her left and she ducked. Striking back in that direction rewarded her with a cry of pain as her whip smacked into the side of one guy's head. The guy next to him lunge forward, swiping at her with a sword. Sidestepping, she brought her whip down on his wrist, perhaps breaking it and definitely making him drop the sword. A stinging blow across his chest dropped him to the ground next to his comrade. She turned to see if the men who'd been on her right had recovered yet.

The scraping of shoes on stone was the only warning she had that the leader had gotten up before she felt his meaty arm wrap across her throat, threatening to cut off her air. Cursing herself for losing track of him, she tried to stomp on his instep, only for his arm to tighten and choke her. Dropping the whip, she clawed at his arm but couldn't budge it. He kept it pressed there until her head began to swim and spots appeared before her eyes.

When he released his hold, she gulped in more air and tried to resist the urge to cough. The feeling of cold steel being placed against her throat made her freeze. Gripping her hair harshly and pulling her head back, he hissed in her ear, "We're gonna make you pay for that, bitch." Juvia had never missed her ability to turn her body into water more than at that moment, surrounded by men with vicious smirks that spoke of their desire to hurt her.

Then the sweetest sound she'd ever heard rang out through the alleyway. "Juvia!"

The man holding her twisted them around. Gray was standing in the mouth of the alleyway, anger written on his face but fear in his eyes. Sneering, the man said, "So the white knight has arrived. But come any closer and she'll have another way to breathe." He pressed his knife against her throat a little harder to make his point.

Gray stiffened, his hands balling into fists at his sides. His eyes scanned over her and her captor, clearly trying to figure out a way to drop the man without getting her killed. It was a stalemate situation, and there were no clear ways for Gray or her captor to break it. With Gray's arrival, though, the man holding her wasn't paying quite as much attention to what she was doing, and that gave her a chance, if she could time things right…

She slowly inched her right hand up, then slammed her left elbow back into her captor's stomach. Her right hand reached up to push the hand holding the knife away, but he managed to jerk the knife across her throat.

Pain flared through her entire body, and she fell into a sea of blackness.


End file.
